


Heartbeat

by tessafreakingvirtue



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: Eventual Fluff, F/M, sometimes smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-20 19:36:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 40,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16561979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessafreakingvirtue/pseuds/tessafreakingvirtue
Summary: Learning to be in sync on the ice comes easily for them. They just have to figure out the rest.





	1. Chapter 1

“I have to piss.” 

Scott rolled onto his side on the white comforter, throwing a muscular leg over the edge of the bed. Tessa groaned, rolling away from him towards her side table to grab her phone. 

“Ugh. You’re disgusting. And your post-coital conversation is severely lacking.” 

He chuckled as he tugged down his boxers and stepped into the washroom. Tessa watched him disappear, raising an eyebrow and grinning as she heard him beginning to relieve himself. 

“What if I grew a mustache?” His voice called from the other room. 

“What if I stopped sleeping with you?” She shot back playfully. 

“You’d never be able to,” he challenged her, his voice sounding far away and distant. 

“Okay,” she mused, “Well then you grow that mustache and watch how quickly these legs close.” 

“That dirty mouth, T! Your fans would be so disappointed!” Scott cackled.

“You weren’t disappointed by my mouth ten minutes ago,” she replied, her voice almost musical.

Scott’s dark head appeared around the doorway only long enough to scoff in false indignation. He ducked back into the washroom and Tessa narrowed her eyes, watching him disappear. She could hear the sound of running water as he hummed softly to himself, then the sound of the medicine cabinet opening. 

She listened for a moment, waiting as the sounds from the washroom settled into an uncomfortable silence. 

“Hey!” Her sudden appearance in the doorway seemed to startle him and he slammed the medicine cabinet, watching her with wide eyes. “What are you doing in here?” 

She leaned into the doorway grinning, wearing nothing but a black sports bra and matching pair of underwear. His eyes visibly traced her form, taking in her soft curves and the tone of her abs, her skin so soft and pale beneath the dark material.

“Nothing,” he stated quickly, wiping his palms against the sides of his boxers, shooting her a nervous smile. “I have a little bit of a headache. I was looking for some medicine.” 

“Oh,” she smiled, reaching out for his hand. “I’ve got some Tylenol in my purse. You need some?” Her fingers slipped into his and she led him into the bedroom, feeling his gaze upon her backside as she walked. Tessa’s hand slipped from his and came around onto his shoulders, pushing him gently onto the bed into a sitting position. 

“Or,” she began, slipping onto his lap, “you know, we have a few hours until the show. We could skip the medicine and just go straight for the sure-cure.” Her lips caught his and she gently pulled his lower lip with her teeth. Her hips moved against his lap rhythmically, the warmth of her bottom pressing against his boxers, causing a fire to grow within the lower part of her belly. She listened to his soft groans, his breath quicker as her actions continued. She felt his hands slip down her sides, resting on her hips, his fingertips brushing her skin so lightly that she almost pulled away with a laugh. 

“But,” his voice was suddenly in her ear, “we probably should use this time to prep, eh? Showers, food, all that good stuff?”

Tessa paused in her movement, pulling away from him to look at his face. His dark eyes avoided hers, his lips pressed together. 

“Seriously?” She asked in disbelief. She sat back on his lap, trying to catch his eye. “You’re serious about that?” 

His eyes met hers for a moment before he shrugged, slipping out from under her. She sat back on her feet, mouth slightly agape at the sight of him beginning to pull his track pants on over the bulge of an erection. 

“I’ll see you soon, yeah?” He asked, pulling his shirt on and grabbing his keys. Tessa could only watch, confused, as he slipped on his shoes and headed toward the hallway. 

“Um, okay,” she answered slowly, watching him go. “I guess so.” 

She waited until she heard the front door of her house shut before she slipped off the bed. She couldn’t help but think about how bizarre the entire situation had been. Scott never turned her down. Well, not in the past several years, anyway. She was good at reading him, understanding when he wasn’t in the mood or too preoccupied with an upcoming competition. But there was no competition tonight, it was just another show; just entertainment.

He had been so flirty, so ready for her. She had seen proof of that when he’d stood to go. What had changed so suddenly that he’d felt the need to rush out? 

She padded to the washroom now in her bare feet. She stood with her hands on her hips, glancing around. A box of tampons sat on the counter, but although Scott strayed away from period talk, the sight of a simple feminine product definitely wouldn’t send him running. She wasn’t even on her period right now. They had, in fact, been taking advantage of its absence. 

Knitting her eyebrows, she moved to the medicine cabinet, studying her reflection for a moment before pulling it open. Her eyes traced over the items inside in some kind of insane attempt to give her a clue regarding his sudden strange departure. 

Her eyes fell upon the box a moment later, and the ridiculousness of it made her laugh aloud. With light fingers, she reached into the cabinet and retrieved the unopened pregnancy test. She’d bought it in a moment of vulnerability and panic when she’d been nauseous and getting migraines. Afterwards, she’d given so little thought to its presence that she’d thrown it into the medicine cabinet, not even bothering to open the package. 

She laughed to herself, tossing the small rectangular box into the waste bin. 

She’d explain the situation to him later and they’d both have a good laugh. Only, by the time Tessa got to the arena that afternoon, the test had once again been forgotten and her life went on as normal. 

For the time being, anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

He managed to get into the hallway first and she stormed behind him, rage burning in her core as she tugged her skates off and watched him do the same. His gaze sheepishly met hers as he leaned against a cement wall, raking a hand through his dark hair.   
“Tess-” he began, but she cut him off with a sharp noise.

“Not here!” She hissed, her dark green eyes narrowed at him. “My dressing room. Now.” It was a demand, not a request. He lowered his eyes, beginning the walk to the room marked with her name. She walked briskly behind him, anger building inside of her as her mind rushed with questions, insults, angry words that she wanted to hurl at him. Words that could throw him off just as he had done to her on the ice. 

Upon reaching her dressing room, he stood aside and let her enter before taking a moment to breathe and stepping inside. The door shut quietly behind him and the two of them stood in silence for a moment before she spoke. 

“What was that?” She turned to gaze at him, her hand on her sharp hip. The maroon fabric of her outfit clung to her, rising and falling with each desperate breath she took. “You have ten seconds to explain yourself before-”

“I’m sorry!” The words slipped from his lips, her eyebrows going up at his exclamation. “I’m sorry. I fucked up, Tess. I didn’t think. I was distracted, you know? There was just so much happening and…”

“Bullshit,” she called him out quickly, “We’ve been doing that sequence for five months, Scott. Every day. Multiple times a day. Both you and I could do it in our sleep. Don’t lie to me. You weren’t distracted. You purposely changed that lift at the end, and you didn’t even run it past me! Since when do we do that? You’ve been acting weird for two weeks. What the hell?” 

She took a breath, collecting herself. The white-hot anger inside of her hadn’t subsided, but looking at him with his floppy hair and wide, sad eyes she felt the flame flicker just a bit.  
He gazed at her, unblinking for a moment. He hung his head and raised his hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it as he exhaled audibly. 

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, avoiding her gaze momentarily. When he raised his eyes to hers, she saw the regret and hurt in them and had to purse her lips to keep from saying that it was okay; she wasn’t mad at him for throwing off the routine and nearly causing her to fall on her ass. She was more than mad. She was pissed and it didn’t matter that this wasn’t for a competition; changing a routine without discussing it with your partner first was a huge violation of trust. 

“You didn’t forget the routine. You weren’t distracted. You’re a terrible liar.” She caught his eyes and locked onto them, keeping him in place. He seemed unable to look away. “Don’t betray my trust, Scott. I deserve the truth.”

He sighed, dropping onto the couch and allowing his head to fall into his hands before looking back up towards her.

“Are you pregnant?” The words fell from his mouth suddenly. There was a deafening silence in the room before she let out a barking laugh that took even her aback with its suddenness. 

“What?!” It wasn’t for another moment that she suddenly remembered that night: the unopened box in the medicine cabinet, his abrupt departure. His strange behavior had started immediately afterwards. Looking back, it made total sense. “No, no! God, I totally forgot to tell you about that…” 

“Forgot to tell me about what?” He asked cautiously, slowly bringing his gaze to meet hers. 

“The test. That stupid test in my medicine cabinet.” She smiled at him reassuringly, then quieted for a moment. “So…” she narrowed her gaze, “you’re telling me the reason you’ve been handling me with kid gloves and by default nearly dropping me on my ass is because you thought I was pregnant?”

“Well, yeah. I mean…why did you even have the test then?” 

She hesitated for a moment, blinking at him. 

“I was sick. I was having headaches, stomach pain. I was nauseous. I was paranoid, I guess. I don’t know. I ordered it online and by the time it came I was embarrassed the thought had even crossed my mind. I felt fine. I shoved it in the medicine cabinet and didn’t even give it a second thought.” She watched him for a moment as he sat on the couch, his elbows on his knees and his head hanging. Slowly, she sank onto the cushion next to him and allowed her hand to rest on his knee. He raised his head to look at her. His eyes were clear and focused now, and he traced her face with his gaze. “If you wouldn’t have freaked out on me and run out of the house, we could have discussed this two weeks ago.”

“So… you’re not pregnant?” The question sounded hesitant on his part.

“No,” she nearly laughed again, “I’m definitely not pregnant.” 

He looked relieved for a moment before his tongue darted out to wet his lips. 

“You took the test? It was negative?” 

She paused, her hand resting on his knee. 

“Well, I threw the test away…” she tilted her head, watching as he narrowed his eyes, attempting to quickly make up for his sudden skepticism. “But I’m not pregnant. I don’t need to take the test to confirm that.” Her fingers began to rub slow circles on his leg, “As well as I’ve trained my body, I think I’d know that, yeah?”

Scott looked at her thoughtfully, placing his hand on top of hers and halting the lazy circles her fingers traced on his leg. 

“So you didn’t take the test?” 

Tessa groaned, rolling her eyes and sitting back against the couch. 

“No, I didn’t, and I don’t plan to. Scott, I feel completely fine. Totally normal, okay?”

Scott didn’t reply to that. She studied his form for a moment before leaning against him, her hand working its way up his bicep.

“You know,” she stated finally after a long silence, her voice softer, “It’s actually kind of cute, the idea that you were being so gentle with me because you were scared you’d hurt me.” She smirked at him and the corner of his lips raised in a small smile, but he didn’t speak. Tessa’s hands slipped into his hair and stroked the dark strands. Gently, she pulled his head closer to hers, wrapping her arms around him and allowing him to rest his head in the crook of her neck. Instinctively, his arms circled her as well, his large hands splaying against the small of her back. “And you know what else?” 

Scott made a small, noncommittal noise into the soft skin on her neck, his lips gently brushing the delicate area with a tiny kiss. 

“That last number always makes me so horny.” 

With these words, she slipped into his lap, still scratching his scalp with her fingernails. She could feel the warmth emanating between them, their hot centers pressed against each other through the thin skating attire they wore. She heard Scott moan softly beneath her and heard his sudden intake of breath. She turned his face up towards hers and caught his lips in a soft kiss, sighing into his mouth. She could feel the burn in her core again now, though from lust rather than anger.

Boldly, she caught his hand in hers and brought it from her back to her waist. Urging him slowly, she pressed his fingers against the apex of her thighs, moaning and bucking against him in response. Her head dipped, catching his ear, her breath hot against the opening. 

“I want you inside me, Scott.”

She could feel his lust building then, heard the shift in his breath and smiled against his skin. Slowly, his hands began to move, exploring her body. The tips of his index and middle finger stroked between her thighs and she was sure he could feel the dampness pooling there. His thumb brushed her waist before coming to a slow stop. 

“What do you want?” She encouraged him, continuing to move against his hand, her own already moving for his belt. “Tell me what you want me to do.” 

He took a few more deep, shuddering breaths before speaking. His lips brushed her ear, sending chills up her spine. His hand moved to top hers, pausing her movements.

“I want you to take the test.” 

She stopped moving and groaned, pulling back to look at his face. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were large and dark. She could feel him hardening beneath her. 

“Oh, Scott, come on. Are you serious?” She pushed away from him, sliding onto the cushion next to him. 

“Unfortunately, yes,” he answered softly, shifting in discomfort. “I need to know, babe. I'm sorry. I’m going crazy not knowing.”

She sighed. 

“I can’t. I don’t even have the test. I threw it away, remember?” 

“I’ll order you one,” he offered quickly, “I’ll have it sent to your hotel room. Let me do this for you.” He hesitated for a moment, “Do this for me, Tess. Please.” 

Frustrated, turned on, and beyond done with the conversation currently being had, she sighed loudly and began to stand up. 

“Fine,” she stated plainly, “I’ll take a test.”

His face relaxed immediately and he reached out to grab her hand gently. Rising from the couch, he pulled her fingers to his mouth and kissed her knuckles softly. 

“Thank you,” he said, his voice nearly a whisper, his fingers lingering on hers. 

“Okay.” She sighed again, turning away from him and moving to grab her skates, attempting to put an end to the second time he’d refused her advances in less than a month.

“Hey,” his voice made her look at him and he pulled her closer, his hands going to the small of her back. His head lowered to her neck again, placing a few soft kisses there. His arms held her firmly and she recognized the position for what it was: he was attempting to synchronize their breathing. She nearly pulled away, but decided to let herself rest against him, closing her eyes to match his respiration rate, feeling his heart thump against hers. They stayed that way for a long moment, breathing in each other, coming back together. His mouth moved to her ear and suddenly she felt his warm breath against her skin. He was speaking gently to her then, drawing her from her stupor. 

“Take the test, and I’ll come over tonight and fuck your brains out.” 

Tessa rolled her eyes at him, but both of them knew that with that kind of offer on the table, that test was as good as taken.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time she returned to her hotel room, it was late and she was tired. She tossed her purse onto the counter and switched a light on, her gaze immediately falling upon the Amazon Prime package resting on the small table. She hesitated for a moment, watching it as if it might surprise her in some way. Slowly, she made her way to the table and picked it up. The tiny box felt enormously heavy in her hands and she was tempted to toss this one into the garbage can as well. But. There was a tiny but in the back of her mind. But Scott wouldn’t start to act normal again until she could prove she wasn’t pregnant. But it could put her mind, which had not until just a few hours ago been unsure, at ease. But, but, but.

She tore open the small box and studied the smaller package inside. Same brand, same type, identical to the one Scott had seen at her home. She wondered if he’d made an effort to find the same type. As she moved to open the package, her phone chimed in her purse. Using any excuse to avoid the current situation, she rushed to dig it out and swiped to open the screen. There was a text message from Scott.

_Hey,_ he had typed, _are you home? Did you get the box?_

She sighed and responded, _Yeah. I got it._

_I want to be there. I should be with you_ , came his response. Tessa smirked and replied.

_Oh, you want to watch me pee on a plastic stick? I had no idea you were into that kinda thing, Mr. Moir ;)_

There was a brief pause as she watched the three dots appear and disappear on the screen several times before his response came. 

_Ha. I’m serious, T. Do you want me there?_

_I think I can manage here_ , she sent back quickly, _just don’t forget your promise. Although at this point you’d be lucky to get laid tonight._

Scott returned a simple smiley face emoji and then followed up with what she knew he wanted her to think was an after-thought. 

_Love you. Good luck. Call me, okay?_

Seeing the first two words made her stomach clench a little. Scott was quick to throw those two words to her in such casual deliveries. After competitions, after a night of too much drinking, when lying in bed together after a particularly powerful sexual experience, he seemed to always let those words slip from the tip of his tongue. She had never been one to proclaim her affections in such an unceremonious way, and always hesitated when he did so. She usually mumbled her way through a response and followed up with one of their ritualistic hugs or a quick smile. With the words in text, staring her right in the face, she simply locked her phone and put it down. He would notice, of course. She was sure he always noticed and could tell from the sad puppy-dog face he tried so hard to hide from her. The thought, even now, made her feel sad and disgusted; whether for him or herself, she wasn’t quite sure. 

She picked up the package again and studied the box before opening it. She read the instructions lackadaisically, threw the folded paper onto the table and gripped the small plastic stick in her fingers. Moving to the washroom, her palms suddenly felt warm and sweaty. It was nerves, of course, but the idea of this test result being positive was nonsensical. She hadn’t given a second thought to the idea of pregnancy since she’d tossed that first test in the trash, and she wouldn’t have ever thought of it again until Scott had brought it up tonight. 

She lowered her pants and underwear and sat on the toilet, staring at the blank wall. She’d had too much wine this evening with one of her girlfriends and not enough water. Her head was spinning and she was too buzzed to deal with this right now. Her hands were trembling more than she’d realized while texting Scott, and she had to take a moment to gather herself before lowering the stick into the toilet bowl beneath her. She could feel her bladder beginning to release and tried to aim the test directly under the warm stream of urine. The first few splashes landed directly on her hand and she groaned, instinctively pulling away. Nearly too late, she was able to guide the stick perfectly beneath herself and waited until her bladder was empty before pulling it away. 

Already she could see one light blue line beginning to form and, if the instructions were to be believed, this revealed that the test was negative. She thought she had seen something on the paper about needing to wait five minutes for the final results, and she placed the stick on the edge of the bathtub while she pulled up her pants and washed her hands.

Hands clean and dried, she was unsure of how to proceed. What was one expected to do in a situation like this? Should she try to occupy herself, or sit and wait for the five minutes to be up? Should she have set a timer? How much time was left if she were to set a timer now? 

By the time she glanced at her phone, she realized she had spent more than five minutes lingering in the hallway beyond the washroom, frozen in place and trying to determine what steps to take. Suddenly, she caught herself and laughed aloud. What was she doing? Was she seriously standing here, nervous that the test in the washroom would reveal that she was pregnant? She knew her body. She had trained for twenty years to get to this point, and as she had told Scott, if there was anyone in the world who would be able to predict and identify the changes in their body, it was her. 

Renewed with a sudden confidence, she moved quickly into the washroom and picked up the plastic stick. Her eyes caught the one blue line she’d seen forming just a few moments earlier and her breath caught in her throat as she saw another blue line next to it. 

Hurriedly, she moved to the table in the adjoining room and picked up the instructions. Yes, she’d been correct earlier: one line definitely indicated a negative test result, and two lines…

“Positive?” She whispered to herself, staring at the test in one hand and the instructions in the other. “That’s not right.” She felt the panic rising in her throat. “That can’t be right.”

Her initial response was to flee. She could throw the test out and run, get out of this room and as far away from that damn piece of plastic as she possibly could. Maybe she could get into the rink tonight and just practice; stay up all night if she needed to, just to get her mind off the lies that she currently held in her hand.

Her phone buzzed on the table and immediately she knew it was Scott. He was worried, probably gripping his phone and waiting for her to call, as he had instructed her to. Right now that didn’t matter; none of this mattered. What mattered now was getting another test.; another brand, another style. She needed another hope that her life was not about to come tumbling down into a million jagged pieces after she had worked her ass off for the past twenty years to get to this point in her career. 

She moved quickly and on autopilot, swiping past his concerned text message and onto Amazon’s website. Within an hour, there would be three more positive pregnancy tests spread out on the edge of the bathtub. 

 **

When he called, it tore her from the stupor she’d been in, and without thinking, she pressed the button to send the call to voicemail. The sound of the high-pitched ringtone echoed in the room and in her mind. Five minutes later, when the phone rang again, she stared at the picture that accompanied his name when he called. She felt a sudden resentment, almost hatred for his stupid goofy smile and too-big nose. This was his fault, and at this moment she didn’t even consider that it was her fault, too, because he wasn’t the one who had to deal with the threat of this sudden and terrifying physical and emotional change. 

“What?” She answered quickly, her heart pounding, her head still spinning but feeling stone-cold sober. 

“Tess?” His voice came in a soft question. Hearing it made her heart pound faster, she wanted to yell at him or at the very least hang up on him, but she couldn’t. Damn him, she couldn’t. 

“Oh. Hi. Yeah.” She was mumbling. She couldn’t think of anything besides all those blue lines and what that meant for her future. Her life.

“Are you okay?” His voice was full of concern, and she hated him for that, too. 

“I’m fine,” she shot back quickly. 

“Okay…” he sounded unsure, but knew better than to press the issue with her. “So?”

“So what?” She asked, still eyeing the tests before her. 

“So… did you take the test?” 

She paused. Yes, she had taken the test. She had taken four tests. Each one had been a different brand, a different style, a different lifeline that had been stolen from her.

“I took it,” she answered. She wasn’t sure how her voice was coming off to Scott. At this point she really wasn’t capable of controlling anything beyond the fact that she was holding this phone and speaking. 

“Okay. And?” His voice came again. She could hear the fear that laced his words. She hated herself for feeling sorry for him. 

“And… we’re all good.” The words came out before she even had a chance to stop them. There hadn’t been a moment to think about what she would say, her mouth had made the decision for her. As she opened her mouth to amend her words, she heard a slight exhale from Scott on the other end of the line. It was relief. She’d heard that sigh thousands of times, whether after a competition or after he’d just emptied himself inside of her. She would know that sound anywhere. It meant that worry had slid off his back and he had turned into the same silly, carefree man that she’d come to adore for the past two decades. 

“Oh, Jesus, thank you,” he whispered, more to himself than her. Realizing that he hadn’t responded directly to Tessa, he cleared his throat and then spoke louder, “I mean… negative, that’s what we wanted.” 

She nodded to herself, still eyeing the various tests laid out before her. Her eyes burned with tears, whether from the sting of his unmindful rejection or the fear of what lay beyond her, she wasn’t sure. 

“Yes,” She finally said, speaking slowly so as to prevent her voice from wavering. “Negative is definitely what we wanted.”


	4. Chapter 4

She was still sitting on the toilet lid in the washroom when there was a knock at the hotel room door. Tessa immediately recognized the distinctive rap that Scott always used when he chose to pay her a visit. She looked up and then slowly turned her attention back to the pregnancy tests on the edge of the bathtub. She hesitated, seemingly unable to move until his next knock pushed her into action. Quickly gathering the tests in her hands, she dumped them into the garbage can before piling other trash on top of them: papers, water bottles, anything to disguise the discarded pieces of plastic. The third knock was accompanied by his voice calling out to her through the wooden door. Before he had a chance to knock again, she was up and opening the door, his surprised smile greeting her.

“Hey,” she greeted him softly, “So I-”

His movement cut her off as he slipped into the hotel room and shut the door behind himself. With all the grace and ease of the movements they’d been practicing for the past two decades, he spun her around, pushing her firmly against the sink and pressing himself against her. His hand traveled along her firm stomach, his lips placing soft kisses along the delicate skin of her neck and shoulder. Tessa raised her eyes, gazing at herself in the large hanging mirror as his hands traveled lower, onto her hip and then onward to her upper thigh. She wanted to speak, and she may have been able to if she hadn’t been able to see what he was doing to her. If she couldn’t see his hot lips against her skin, his hand inching so dangerously close to that hot, sensitive spot between her legs, she may have been able to call out to him, to tell him that they needed to have a serious discussion for once that didn’t involve sex or skating.

Just as the thoughts began to form in her brain, he turned her again, this time her bottom pressing against the edge of the sink. His lips moved from her neck to her flushed chest as she felt his hands inching down her back, slipping around her waist and beneath the back of her thigh. With a boldness that only Scott could possess with her, his hand gripped her right thigh, pushing it up so that her knee was bent and angled, allowing him access to her soft center.

Without a word or a moment’s hesitation, his fingers were fumbling at his own zipper and he was pressing against her, pushing her shorts aside and positioning himself at her entrance. She was allowed a sharp inhale of breath before he pushed into her, groaning at the warmth that enveloped him. 

“Fuck,” the word barely escaped his lips before he was thrusting into her, rocking his hips against hers so fiercely that she couldn’t have protested even if she’d wanted to. She opened her mouth, whether to say his name or interrupt him she wasn’t sure, but all that escaped from between her lips was a soft moan to convey that she could definitely feel him hitting that spot deep within her. The fingers of the hand that wasn’t holding her leg up had slipped around her throat, gripping her firmly as he steadied himself with each thrust. Groaning, his forehead came to rest against her pink chest as he whimpered with each ripple of pleasure that tore through him.

“You feel so good,” he managed to breathe out, his eyes connecting with hers for the first time. She couldn’t look away from his dark gaze and they stayed that way for a moment, with him thrusting into her while their eyes remained locked. The entire situation was so erotic that for just a moment, she forgot about the positive tests, the dirty little secrets hiding in the garbage can just below the sink they were currently pressed against. She allowed herself to moan gently and she could feel him pulsing inside of her. She knew that her soft, whispered noises were what typically threw him over the edge and used this to her advantage, feeling the tingling in her belly beginning to grow. She knew that she was close and that, inevitably, he would soon follow her. Moments the thought entered her mind, she let her head fall back and expressed out a series of whimpered moans as her orgasm rushed through her. She pushed her hips against his, begging for more without speaking, trusting that he knew exactly what she needed, and he didn’t disappoint her. He thrust deeper into her, burying himself as far as he possibly could before he began to groan along with her. Her body trembled with a burst of pleasure, the muscles that gripped him inside squeezing his hard cock mercilessly.

“Fuck, Tess-” 

Those two words were his calling card. For the past five years, since they’d started this sordid, complicated love affair, those two words had been the signal that he was about to lose himself inside of her. She prepared herself for what would come next; he would thrust a few more times before grabbing her hips, holding her in place as he spilled inside her. They had done this so carelessly so many times before and she’d trusted the birth control that promised to protect her from exactly the situation she found herself in now. 

However, he surprised her this time. Rather than grasping her hips, he pulled back from her, her body crying out at the sudden loss of contact. She watched as he grabbed his cock with one hand, stroking himself for a matter of seconds before erupting onto the bare skin of her stomach and the inside of her thigh. She felt the warm, pearly liquid spurt onto her skin and opened her mouth in shock, glancing at his face, his dark eyes closed in pleasure and his lips slightly parted as the release overcame his body. 

Breathlessly, she watched him open his eyes and his gaze slipped down her body, coming to rest on the mess he’d made on her belly. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he glanced back up at her quickly, a bashful smile slipping over his lips.

“You pulled out,” she stated dumbly, her eyes still on him. _Why couldn’t you have done that a month ago?_

“Yeah,” he confirmed, his chest still rising and falling with the exertion of their activity, “Believe me, I didn’t want to. I just… you know. Maybe we should start being more careful?”

She couldn’t think of a reply to that, and didn’t speak as he took her hand and led her into the washroom, lightly grasping her fingers as he turned the shower on and adjusted the temperature. He helped her undress wordlessly, shedding his own clothes and guiding her into the warm stream of the shower. Her body still throbbed with pleasure, but Scott handled her so carefully now that she knew sex was the furthest thing from his mind. He stroked her hair, let his fingertips dance over her skin and placed soft kisses on her temple as he held her beneath the water. He tangled his fingers within hers and held her against him as the water streamed down their naked bodies, washing away the proof of his climax. 

His tenderness nearly brought tears to her eyes and she wondered how much longer they would be able to stay like this: hopelessly desperate for one another and able to shut out the world. She bit her lip to keep her tears at bay and allowed herself to rest her head on his wet chest, listening to his heartbeat and knowing that in this moment, this was all that existed; the two of them. 

She moved on autopilot as he turned off the water, helped her towel off and then wrapped her into her favorite fluffy white robe that traveled with her wherever she went. Her damp hair hung listlessly against her head and he went as far as to pull a brush through the dark strands, using caution to comb out any tangles. They stood that way in the hallway beyond the washroom for a few moments, neither of them speaking or expecting the other to say a word. His arms wrapped around her and she could feel his body heat even through the plush fabric that encapsulated her. 

“I should go,” he finally whispered, hesitantly pulling away from her but maintaining eye contact. 

“You don’t have to.” The words were rushed and left her mouth before she’d really even considered them. This was taboo. Scott never stayed overnight at the hotels. In their own homes, things were different. There were multiple bedrooms, even if someone saw him leaving her home in the morning, there was always an excuse: he’d passed out in the guest room, he’d slept on the couch. In hotels, there wasn’t much room for error. If someone were to see him slipping out with her at five in the morning, there would be rumors. People would talk. Right now, she didn’t care.

“You’re serious?” His voice expressed the same surprise that she felt at the invitation. 

“Yeah. I mean, unless you want to leave.” The words felt silly even leaving her mouth. She knew he didn’t want to leave. He never wanted to leave. Watching him prepare to go after they’d been together was painful and sometimes embarrassing with his sad eyes and hopeful smile.

“No!” He stated enthusiastically, then caught himself. “I mean, I can stay. It’s not a big deal.”  
She smiled to herself and turned her head away, pulling her wet hair up into a high bun on the back of her head as Scott pulled his clothes back on. 

“You… you want to lay down?” He asked, standing awkwardly in front of her, his hands resting at his sides. She nodded and he walked around to the opposite side of the bed, pulling the covers back and watching her climb onto the mattress before joining her.

“I’m really tired,” she stated, her voice quiet. He moved to turn off the light before crawling under the blankets with her. 

They lay that way for a moment before she shifted closer to him. She allowed the robe to fall away and pressed her body close to his. Facing away from her, he gently took her hand and pulled it towards him, her body spooning his. 

“Things have been kind of weird lately,” she began in a soft voice, barely above a whisper. Scott made a soft noise of agreement, squeezing her hand affectionately in the darkness. 

“You wanna talk about it?” His voice was so comforting in the darkness of the room, his form so strong and stable. She heard him stifle a yawn and spoke gently. 

“I just… there’s a lot going on. Something happened and I don’t know what to do.” 

“What is it?” His voice came again, low and soft. 

“I really need your support right now,” she confessed quietly, “this concerns both of us.” 

“I’m here for you, T. Always.” 

She licked her lips, curling against him in silence. He patted her fingers carefully beneath the blanket. 

“Scott?” She pulled herself closer to him. Her heart pounded in her chest, the blood rushing in her ears. She was suddenly thankful to be in the darkness, because she didn’t know how she’d be able to say the words to his face.

“Mm?” 

She was quiet for a long time after his acknowledgement. She didn’t know how to say this. Should she start with something dramatic, like _I’m having your baby_ , or something regretful, _our lives are over_? Maybe she shouldn’t say anything. Maybe she could deal with this situation herself, or could go to her mom for advice. But no. That wasn’t right. This was a situation that affected the two of them, he had a right to know. It wouldn’t be the end of his career, and that thought made her instantly jealous and filled her with a distaste that she had never experienced. _I hate you_ , she wanted to say, even though she knew it wasn't the truth. _You ruined my life_. And the truth was, he had done this to her. The harder pill to swallow was that she hadn’t tried to stop it. He had expressed his dislike for condoms and she had given in to his begging, his seductive words and touch. When he had whispered into her ear, _I want to feel you without a condom, Tess_ , she had abandoned her previous dedication to safe sex and had let him slip inside her without protection. She had been so busy on the road that maybe she’d missed a pill. Maybe she hadn’t. Nothing was certain anymore.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t wanted this, but she hadn’t wanted it yet. She wanted to be settled, married, and finished with competitions and that plan may or may not have involved Scott. Now there was no choice. 

“I’m pregnant,” she let the words leave her mouth and braced herself for his reaction. She wasn’t sure what to expect. Would he react with anger as he had with even minor inconveniences after Sochi? Would he laugh, cry, walk out without a word? She held her breath, waiting for his response, but none came. 

“Scott?” She pushed him gently and a snore rattled in his throat. Tessa’s heart sank. She had missed her opportunity and had lost her courage. Tomorrow, in the light of the day, looking into his dark, forgiving eyes, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to say the words. She tried to test them again in the safety of the darkness, whispering it to herself. _Pregnant, pregnant. I’m pregnant._ Her eyes began to sting and she turned herself away from him, facing the opposite wall and not bothering to stop the hot tears that slid down her cheeks. 

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered again, now confident that her words fell on deaf ears. “And I’m so fucking scared.”


	5. Chapter 5

Scott left in the morning. She didn’t try to stop him or bring up the topic again. She could have taken his hand, pulled him aside and said the words as plain as day: _I’m pregnant and you’re the father of the baby._ But she didn’t. She couldn’t. The thought of watching his face fall, the fear of how he might react (Sochi hadn’t been that long ago and she’d seen his temper enough then to last her a lifetime) or the fact that he might not react at all kept her quiet, forcing a smile and kissing him goodbye before he pulled on his jacket and slipped out of the hotel room. 

It rained the morning of her doctor’s appointment. She had nearly managed to convince herself that she had read the tests wrong and panicked. The smiling nurse had treated her kindly and advised her that home pregnancy tests were sometimes wrong, could give false positives and cause undue stress. However, she had informed Tessa, the blood test performed through the laboratory had an accuracy rate of over 99% and would definitely be able to either confirm or deny her suspicions.   
The blood test came back positive. 

She managed to drag herself into the rink the next morning, just after six o’clock. Scott, surprisingly, was already there and waiting for her, though he pretended not to be. She watched him skate aimlessly back and forth for a moment before his eyes caught hers and a smile passed his lips. Immediately, he moved toward her, waving foolishly.   
“Hey!” He sounded so carefree. He was full of life and happy, ready to take on the world. She could see the familiar gleam in his eyes and recognized it as joy. He’d had a tough run of luck over the past few years and seeing him this way should have filled her with happiness, but all she felt was guilt and regret. She wasn’t capable of bringing an end to that ignorant bliss, even if it meant her suffering in silence. He reached out to her, wrapping one arm around her and placing a quick kiss on her cheek. 

“You look nice.” His voice was so genuine, so oblivious to her pain that all she could do was force a small smile to her lips and thank him. “You okay? You seem… off.”   
Of course he had noticed. They’d spent the past twenty-one years together and had seen each other at their best and worst. They’d been through sleepless nights and fights and knew each other better than they’d ever know themselves. 

“Yeah,” she forced the word out, “It’s fine. Let’s just skate, okay?”

He nodded, heading back to the ice to continue his idle circling until she joined him. Effortlessly, they found their rhythm. Their lifts and spins came to them without even needing to think about it. Their muscle memory worked together. Their bodies knew each other in more ways than they could count and whether they were on ice or in bed, their bodies came together easily. 

The ice worked as a buffer, pushing the thoughts of pregnancy and insecurity out of her mind and allowing her to truly breathe for the first time since she’d seen those blue lines nearly two weeks ago. Her hand in Scott’s, purely for the love of their sport and not pushed against the headboard of another king sized bed as he fucked her. His hot breath on her skin, the thought of the dozens of people surrounding them in the arena keeping him from bringing his lips to hers, it was a moment of relief for her. She focused on her breath, each deep lungful of cold air filling her with a calming sensation that she felt rippling through her body. 

It wasn’t until their synchronized movements slowed to a stop that she felt the warm tears on her face. He pulled back to look at her, grinning until he saw the tears slipping down her cheeks. Immediately, his eyebrows knit in concern and he was wiping the tears away with his thumbs. 

“T, what’s wrong?” His voice was full of worry and suddenly his hands were running up and down her sides, checking for a cut or a bruise, anything, that might be the cause of her tears. “Did I hurt you?” Tessa stared in confusion until she brought a finger to her own cheek and wiped a tear away, holding her hand out to examine it.

Without hesitation, she slid out of Scott’s touch and rushed to the edge of the rink, slipping the guards over the blades of her skates. She moved so quickly to the washroom that she was surprised when she heard his voice behind her, calling out to her. Before he’d had a chance to round the corner, she’d pushed open the door of the private washroom, leaned her back against it and turned the deadbolt into place. As if the emotion had been waiting for a moment of privacy to make its escape, she slid to the floor, gasping as a sob tore through her.

“Tessa!” He was outside the door now, his hands slapping the wood, his voice desperate. “Tess, what’s wrong?”

She tried to ignore his pleading voice, her head hitting the door as she sat back suddenly, weeping openly in the privacy afforded to her by the tiny room.

“Tess, please,” his voice lowered, quivering with emotion, “babe, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. Please, Tessa.” 

“I can’t,” she whimpered, shaking her head in an attempt to get the sound of his voice out of her ears, trying to get the feel of his touch off of her skin. She whispered the words again to herself. _I can’t do that to you. I can’t make you feel how I feel._

“Tessa,” he said her name again, his voice heavy with the threat of tears. She heard a thump and then the sound of him sliding down the door to sit opposite of her in the hallway. “Please talk to me. Whatever it is, we can fix it. We can get through this together.” 

She bit her lip in an attempt to stifle her sob, but it was to no avail. Even through her hysterics, she could hear Scott groaning on the other side of the door. The thought of forcing him to endure this pain only increased her desperation and sadness and his soft, whispered pleading was lost beneath her sobs.   
Her body wracked with convulsive gasps as she attempted to calm herself. She didn’t know where the tears had come from, but they had been building for weeks. 

“Go away,” she finally managed to muster the words, nearly whispering them at first and then repeating them with increasing volume, “Go away. Get away from me! Scott, get the fuck away from me!” 

“Tess-” he tried her one last time, his voice quiet, hurt. The tears came again, slipping down her cheeks as she squeezed her eyes shut, banishing him from her mind, begging and pleading to herself to stop thinking about that stupid sad face and desperate, forgiving love he held for her. 

“I don’t want you here,” she said finally, her voice soft but firm. She took a few shuddering breaths before raising her voice. “I don’t want to see you. Leave me alone.” 

She heard a few soft noises from his side of the door, then the sound of him pushing himself to his feet. Biting her lip, letting silent tears fall, she listened as he put his hands against the door one last time and she could only imagine that he leaned against it, silently begging her to allow him entrance.   
But she couldn’t. Not this time. She’d let him in so many times, so many nights. He’d come to hotels, homes, dressing rooms, and she’d always let him in. She had trusted him, had trusted herself to make the right decisions and she’d failed. Over and over again, she’d allowed him to comfort her (or at least use the guise of comforting her) to get into her bed, her shower, her couch. Even once on the kitchen floor. 

She forced herself to stay quiet, listening as he moved away from the door, the sound of his skates slowly receding down the hallway as he did as she said and left her alone. Completely alone.


	6. Chapter 6

The first time she typed the word into the search bar on her phone, she felt ashamed. _Abortion._ She’d never had a strong opinion either way on the issue. It always felt so far removed from her life, it was something she’d never have to deal with, so she hadn’t bothered to spend time researching it. She realized now that thinking had been wrong and antiquated. She had overestimated, or perhaps underestimated, herself. Her fingers shook as she scrolled through websites, her eyes scanning facts and grotesque pictures that aimed to either make the process easier or more difficult, depending on how you chose to view it. 

There was a clinic not far from her home in London. She knew she would have the support of her family, and money obviously wasn’t an issue. The thought of lying on that exam table, her feet in stirrups, her insides being scraped out without Scott beside her was what made her hesitate. 

According to the doctor, the date of conception had been around November 3, and she remembered the night with startling clarity. He’d come to her dressing room door after one of their shows, wearing a black t-shirt and dark jeans. His smile had been so sweet, and she’d been desperately turned on. His hands had been all over her, and she’d encouraged him to be rough with her, whispering in his ear as he had undressed her: _Fuck me hard tonight, Scott. I need you to fill me up._ And then, during the act, she’d been more outgoing than usual, feeling sexy and unashamed and god, _so fucking good_ when he’d been buried inside her. _Come in me_ , she had begged him, squirming and writhing beneath him relentlessly, feeling like she’d won another gold medal when she felt him exploding inside of her. She’d been so proud that she’d made him like that, whimpering and groaning and reduced to a puddle of sweat and heartbeats. 

That had been nearly three months ago, and even now her body ached with the memory of that evening. She wanted that carelessness back, that moment of needing nothing other than Scott’s hands on her. Her body craved his touch; they hadn’t had a meaningful conversation for two weeks and she mourned the loss more than she’d realized she would. Going without sex was one thing; they’d had periods (however short they may have been) where they weren’t having sex and still remained close, but being without him, his essence and warmth, she couldn’t think about it for too long without feeling an unbearable pain. 

They’d tried to sit down together last week after practice. Due to the fact that there were no competitions scheduled at this point, their therapists hadn’t demanded to meet with them weekly. Had anyone tried to dissect their relationship at this point, it would immediately become clear that they had allowed a rift to grow between them, and she detested that. They’d been through such difficult times together and after the last long-term argument they’d had where they hadn’t spoken for a month, they’d both sworn it would never happen again. 

They’d gone for lunch together at the little bistro just down the street from the arena and conversation had been so distressingly bland between them that it physically ached to sit across the table from him. He’d been on his best behavior as well, which indicated his discomfort. She was used to the Scott who would fart in her presence, tease her and be unafraid of making a fool of himself for her. This Scott was different. He asked about her life, her family, yet steered away from any discussion regarding their relationship or the bizarre happening in the washroom of the arena. He was full of good ideas for routines and practices, but did his best to avoid anything too personal, including her invitation to visit her at home later that evening. 

He had hesitated, and she had seen the pain in his eyes as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. He didn’t speak for a moment, and Tessa had known that he wanted to say yes; he wanted to give in and show up at her door, collapse on her couch, and watch rom-coms with her until the sun began to peek over the horizon. However, he tilted his head a little, giving himself permission to reach across the table and pat the back of her hand gingerly. 

“I don’t know if that’s a great idea, eh?” 

“Oh,” she found herself saying, forcing her head to nod. “Okay. Yeah, I-I guess that makes sense.”

But it hadn’t made sense, and it still didn’t. She had wanted to discuss this all, everything from the day he’d found the initial test in her medicine cabinet to the confirmation she’d received from her doctor’s office. She had been ready to be honest with him and, truthfully, she needed him with her. She wasn’t sure she could show up to another doctor’s appointment without him by her side.

Focusing now on the clinic’s website in her mobile browser, she scrolled to the bottom of the page, where a link displayed the words Schedule a Confidential Appointment. Her thumb hovered over the button, her mind racing. This would make everything go away. Scott would never have to know. She’d never get stretch marks or have to take a hiatus from the ice. Their relationship would change, of course, but without a child thrown into the mix. They could go back to having the professional relationship they’d tried so hard to manage for so long. She’d decide when she wanted to have her first child (later) and it wouldn’t involve her locking herself in a dirty arena washroom and sobbing while Scott pawed at the door, begging her to come out. She wouldn’t have to deal with his mood swings, the memories of those drunken nights after Sochi where he had hurt her more with his words than he ever could have with his body. She wouldn’t be connected to Scott for the rest of her life. 

But then. 

She might not ever feel the swell of her belly as the baby inside grew bigger. She wouldn’t ever see their child, the perfect culmination of his features and hers packed into one tiny person who wouldn’t exist if it hadn’t been for that night in November. She’d never see Scott’s crooked, dopey smile as he looked at their baby, touched her belly, or brought her pickles and chocolate for her late night cravings. 

She knew that she was romanticizing their situation. Maybe Scott wouldn’t want the baby. Maybe he’d refuse to claim the child as his own. But part of her knew that he wouldn’t. Scott had a wonderful heart, and if there was anything Tessa knew about him, it was that he loved her endlessly. It was a fact that she avoided facing all too often, but she couldn’t imagine a life where he would willingly turn his back on her, much less their child.

She considered the thought of him watching her with those dark eyes as they lay in bed together, the soft smile slipping over his face when she made eye contact with him, his fingers tracing over her bare skin. She imagined his strong, steady hands in her mind, the way he made her laugh and how safe she felt with him. She thought of all those times he’d let those words slip in moments of intimacy: _I love you, Tessa_. She thought of destroying their history, all those moments together and wasn’t sure she’d be able to live with herself. She knew that she was lucky in the way Scott cared about her. He loved her fully and without conditions, and though the thought terrified her, she knew she wasn’t ready to give that up. 

Now, she thought of the life forming inside her. It wasn’t much more than a mass of cells at this point, and she recognized that, but it would grow. It would grow into a baby who had Scott’s eyes and _god, one of their noses_ and who would crawl into her lap when they were scared or sick. The journey ahead would not be easy and sometimes even terrifying, she imagined, but she wasn’t sure she could go through with the alternative. The regret, the guilt, the what-ifs would drive her insane. They would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Her thumb still hovering over the link on the screen, she swiped up and watched the page disappear from her browser. 

And just like that, the decision had been made; Tessa was going to be a mother. 

** 

She chose to attend her first doctor’s appointment alone. She hadn’t quite mustered up the courage to tell anyone, including her family. It didn’t make sense for her to confide in a friend when even the father of the baby hadn’t learned of its existence. She had been trying to come to terms with the idea, though, of how she might tell Scott. He had been so distant with her, despite her repeated attempts to invite him to spend time with her. She worried about what he was thinking, feeling. Was he angry with her? Hurt? She had asked for space and he had given her a wide berth. Now, she just wanted him back. She wanted him to be standing next to her now, holding her hand as she lay on her back on this exam table with her shirt pulled up to expose her belly. 

The nurses hovered around her, chattering pleasantly about the weather, their plans for vacation, what to order for lunch. Tessa couldn’t imagine their lives, so routine and every-day. Right now, her mind spun with thoughts of the future, what it might hold for her in six months, six weeks, even six hours. 

Tessa’s eyes followed the nurses as they moved around the room, gathering equipment and prepping her by squirting a cool, slick jelly onto her exposed skin. The nurses didn’t address her solitude; she was sure they’d seen so many different types of women in so many unique situations that they no longer assumed a man (or maybe even a partner) was involved. That was fine by her. If the nurses recognized her, they showed no sign of it. For that, she was grateful. 

“Okay,” one young nurse spoke up, bringing a wand-shaped device toward Tessa’s belly. “So, you’re going to get to see your baby today. Are you ready?” 

Tessa opened her mouth, emitting only a soft squeak before she found her words. 

“Already? That’s- that’s really early, right?” 

“Not at all,” the nurse shook her head, pressing the wand to her belly. “You’re already close to your second trimester. Your due date is estimated around the end of July, isn’t that right?” 

“July 27,” she barely whispered the words, not sure if even the nurse could hear her. 

“So you’re basically a third of the way there,” she smiled again. Tessa’s eyes watched the nurse before looking to the scene below her, the wand moving slowly and methodically over the skin on her abdomen. She felt the nurse’s eyes on her suddenly and looked up to her. “Look,” she urged, nodding toward the screen.

Tessa turned her head, catching her breath so suddenly that the nurse giggled. Her eyes took in the screen, trying to make sense of the display. And then, she saw it. The small oval of darkness within her womb, and then inside it, the baby. She could make out a circle within the darkness and while she instinctively knew that it was the head, her brain couldn’t put the thoughts together until the nurse began to speak. 

“There’s the baby’s head,” she spoke gently, circling the area on the screen where Tessa’s eyes had been locked. The nurse traced down the screen, pointing out the spine, the legs, the arms. The features that made this moment real. 

“We may not be able to see the gender yet,” the nurse explained carefully, “the baby has to be in the right position for that, and-"

“It doesn’t matter,” Tessa interrupted her quickly. “I don’t care. I just want it to be healthy.”

She couldn’t pull her gaze away from the screen. Her eyes traced over each centimeter of the tiny form, noting the baby’s forehead, nose, chin. She felt tears beginning to burn in her eyes and wished more than anything that Scott was here now, holding her hand and shushing her into quiet contentment. 

As one nurse moved to take Tessa’s vitals, the other continued to move the wand. She listened for a moment as Tessa continued to stare at the screen, completely oblivious to the scene around her. A light, fluttery sound began to fill the room, and Tessa noticed it almost immediately. 

“Well that’s funny,” the nurse taking her vitals said suddenly, smiling down at Tessa with bright blue eyes. 

“What?” Tessa asked in a panic, pushing herself onto her elbows and looking between the nurse and the screen that currently held a vision of the inside of her womb. “What’s wrong?” 

“Oh, nothing’s wrong…” the nurse stumbled over her words quickly, “It’s just that… well, the heartbeat of a fetus is a lot quicker than an adult’s. The funny thing, though, is that your baby’s heartbeat is almost completely in sync with yours.” 

The soft thumping sound filled her ears, fresh tears sprang to her eyes and she didn’t bother to wipe them away. 

It didn’t surprise her that the baby’s heart beat in sync with her own. She and Scott had spent years getting that part just right. Now, it seemed, they had mastered it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that the heartbeat of a fetus is much faster than an adult's... Tessa's heartbeat is keeping the rhythm, not the pace :)


	7. Chapter 7

Three days later, she’d had enough. She knew that one of them needed to break in order to repair the cracks that had begun to threaten their very foundation. Scott seemed steadfast about giving her space, staying away from her as she had ordered him to so cruelly through the washroom door. She’d tried texting, calling, speaking after practice. On the ice, she could feel the difference, but Scott performed beautifully, running his hands over her body, pressing his lips against her neck in a way that made the guests at each show scream wildly. Recently, she’d even seen a sign being held by an audience member that read “Propose already, Scott!” with a cropped photo of Tessa’s smiling face beneath. Scott had seen her eyes linger on it and looked toward it as well before spinning to face her, sliding to his knee in a mock proposal before grinning at her and standing to kiss her cheek and then grabbing her hands. 

Tessa had smiled, relieved that their disagreement had seemingly come to a close with such a simple gesture. She’d spent the rest of the evening grinning at him, playful and seductive with her movements in an attempt to show him that she, too, had come to peace with their argument and was ready to move on. However, as they’d skated off the ice and into the backstage area, she’d approached him, grinning and breathless. When she’d tried to begin a casual conversation, he’d smiled cautiously at her before turning to head back to his dressing room. She’d watched him go, confused and hurt. 

Now, though, she wouldn’t give him the chance to escape. She headed to his home, rehearsing what she’d say on the drive over. She’d demand to be let in and ask him to speak to her. She’d beg if she needed to. Things had gone far enough and she couldn’t, in good conscience, allow them to go any further. 

When she pulled into the driveway, she hesitated for a moment before shutting off the car. She needed to do this, she knew she could do this, but her body ached and her mind was tired and she was scared. Taking a deep breath and letting it out through her lips, she turned the key in the ignition and sat for a moment in the silence of the car’s interior. She sat, feeling her own heart pound in her chest, knowing that the baby’s also beat steadily in time. 

Climbing out of her car, she steadied herself before beginning up the walk to Scott’s front door. Her breath was hot in the cold air as she moved and pulled her coat tighter around her. Her clothes still fit, though she wasn’t sure for how much longer she’d be able to hide her expanding waistline beneath her sportswear. When she studied her reflection in the mirror, she noticed her abs were slowly becoming less well-defined, but she didn’t yet think she’d begun to show. Her back ached and her breasts already felt full and heavy, but because she’d been wearing more than a sports bra to the rink, no one had yet commented on her appearance. 

When she reached the front door, she poised herself to knock just as a car pulled to the curb. The dark sedan sat idling and Tessa glanced back at it before turning back to the door and raising her hand. A second before her knuckles touched the door, it swung open and Scott was standing there, looking startled and confused. 

“Tessa?” He asked awkwardly, glancing behind him. “What are you doing here? I- it’s not really a good time…” 

“Scott, we need to talk,” she began quietly, then glanced behind her again. “Are you going somewhere?” 

“I- uh, no, I…” his voice trailed off as a dark head appeared behind him, pushing into the doorway. It was a petite young woman, her hair pulled into a high ponytail, her green eyes shining as she noticed Tessa. 

“Oh my God,” the woman whispered, grinning up at Scott, “I can’t believe this. It’s Tessa freaking Virtue.” She slipped her black clutch beneath her armpit and stuck her hand out, offering it to Tessa, who glanced confusedly at Scott before taking her hand and shaking it gently. “I’m Vanessa. My God, you’re beautiful! Scott and I were just talking about you. It’s seriously such an honor to meet you!” The shorter brunette peered out the doorway and then groaned, slipping past Tessa onto the doorstep. 

“Damn, my Uber is here. Listen, maybe we can meet up some other time, eh? Oh my God, Tessa! I can’t believe it! I have to tweet about this. Oh my God, I’m totally trying to playing it cool and failing! I’ll see you guys around! I’ll text you, Scott. Bye!” She called all in one breath, her high heels slapping the pavement as she raced to the awaiting car. They stood in silence until Vanessa climbed into the back of the car and the driver left them standing awkwardly together. 

Tessa could feel her face flushing, her chest growing red with embarrassment and shame and a mix of other emotions that she couldn’t quite identify. She turned back to face Scott slowly, her lips slightly parted. 

“Uh,” she breathed, glancing down at her feet, her hand rising to rub the back of her neck as she tried to get the words out. “I didn’t… I’m sorry, I-”

“Just come in,” he sighed, stepping back from the door to make room for her. “You’re right, we do need to talk.” 

Her feet planted firmly on the ground, she wasn’t sure she would be able to move. A terrible mix of sadness and jealousy twisted in her stomach and she suddenly thought she might need to vomit. The gurgling in her stomach didn’t subside as she stepped into his home, taking in his familiar smell and the comfortable chaos of Scott’s life. As he shut the door behind them, her hand moved slowly to the lower part of her belly, nausea still bubbling in her as she attempted to push it down. 

“I have to-” she stated quickly, “I’m sorry, Scott, I need to-”

Dropping her purse where she stood, she rushed to the washroom, barely making it before she was vomiting, the hot bile rushing up her throat and splattering into the toilet. Her fingers clutched the edges of the toilet seat, her back arched and stomach contracting as she heaved. She squeezed her eyes shut, tears slipping down her cheeks as she retched. 

Suddenly, there was a hand on her back and Scott was beside her, brushing her hair behind her ears and pressing a cool washcloth to her forehead. 

“It’s okay,” he soothed her, his large palm stroking her back as she expelled the last bit of bile. “It’s okay, T.” 

His soft, smooth voice and the feel of his touch caused her tears to come faster and she wiped them away with the back of her hand, using the other to flush the toilet before moving to stand in front of the vanity. She wept softly and Scott wrapped her in his arms without another word. She rested against his chest and Scott stroked her warm, sweaty hair, placing a kiss on her forehead. She wept and shuddered silently against his chest and he took her hand after a long moment, leading her to the living room. He helped her lower herself to his couch before disappearing for a moment and returning with a cool bottle of water. He handed it to her, watched her take a sip and twist the lid on before he took a seat in a lounger a few feet away from her. 

They were silent as she composed herself, catching her breath and finally bringing her eyes to meet his. 

“That wasn’t what it looked like,” he began cautiously. “I didn’t know you were going to show up here tonight, Tess.”

Tessa sniffed. She should be saying something, she knew, but what was there to say? Her red-rimmed eyes watched him and suddenly she hated herself for the rift she’d caused between them. This was her fault, completely. If she’d been honest with him that first night- well, she wasn’t sure how he would have reacted, but at least she would have had the essence of truthfulness on her side. 

“It’s okay,” she told him, though it wasn’t. Not really. She was jealous and angry and embarrassed and wondered if he’d been sleeping with Vanessa. Wondered how many other women he’d been with in the month they’d been apart.

She forced a smile to her lips, though it didn’t reach her eyes. She knew Scott could see through her façade and wondered why she even bothered. He could read her better than anyone else in the world. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s been going on?” Scott asked suddenly, his voice strained but not unkind. Tessa opened her mouth to protest but closed it just as quickly. She couldn’t tell another lie. She was tired of avoiding Scott, tired of hurting him with falsities and mostly just tired. She needed his support. Looking back now, she couldn’t understand why she hadn’t told him the night she’d found out. Now, she had to contend with Vanessa and all the other women he’d undoubtedly recruited to fill the spot Tessa had left within him. 

“I need to tell you something,” her words came out, barely above a whisper. “I should have told you a month ago, but I was scared. I’m still scared, but I can’t just not tell anyone. I can’t not tell you.” 

She sat silently for a long moment, chewing on her lip and trying not to let her tears continue to fall. 

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” He asked finally, his voice quiet and dull. Tessa’s eyes shot to meet his, her lips parting in surprise at his prediction. He kept watch on her, his lips pressed together and his eyes dark. 

“I-” she sputtered, “But I… but how?”

“How stupid do you think I am, Tessa? You didn’t think I’d be able to put the pieces together? The test, and then the way you reacted on the ice? I’ve seen you cry maybe a handful of times and _never_ like that. It terrified me.” He hesitated for a moment and then added, “ _You_ terrified me. I thought you were dying or something.”

Guilt washed over her and she tried to speak, to tell him that this was exactly what she’d been trying to avoid, but she was left speechless. She _had_ been dying. Each day, she’d spent time mourning the life she’d known for so long and only recently had she been able to cope with the idea that her life wasn’t ending, just changing. Whether for the better or worse, she hadn’t quite decided.

“I didn’t realize it at first,” he went on, “not until a couple of weeks ago. I was watching you one day while you were practicing, and… something clicked. One thing made sense and then everything made sense and I was scared shitless, Tess. I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. I hate myself for that. I could see it in your eyes, how scared you were, and I didn’t do a damn thing. I’m a fucking coward, okay?”

He put his head down again and didn’t say anything for another long moment. When he finally looked back at her, his eyes were red and his voice caught in his throat. 

“I panicked. I wanted to call, wanted to text, and I don’t have a reason that I didn’t. I should have, but I didn’t. I avoided you because I was so ashamed of myself. Every time I saw you, I saw through that fake smile and I saw your pain, and I still didn’t do anything.”

His head fell into his hands and she watched as his shoulders heaved, capturing the quiet sob in his hands. She felt sick and scared and glanced around quickly, not knowing whether to go to him or stay on the couch, watching and waiting. Before she had a chance to move, he pulled his head up and shook his head, pawing at his eyes. 

“Fuck. What am I doing? Jesus, I’m supposed to be comforting you and I’m sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I’m sorry.” He moved then, coming to sit next to her on the couch and taking her hand in his own, stroking the back of her hand with his fingers. “What do you need from me? What can I do to help you?”

“I don’t know,” she spoke, and it was the truth. She’d spent so many weeks thinking about this moment and practicing what to say that when the moment arrived, she couldn’t think of anything to say at all. He didn’t make a move or try to speak, just sat holding her hand. It reminded her of all the times they’d sat awaiting their skating scores, never knowing whether to cry or laugh and scared to do either. “I’m keeping the baby.” 

She looked to him for a reaction, but didn’t get much of anything. He blinked, nodded, and then squeezed her hand again. 

“Okay.” 

She felt relief then, and hadn’t realized until that moment that she’d not only feared he would react negatively, she had been sure of it. He didn’t move away from her, and in fact gripped her hand tightly. She was suddenly flushed with a sense of comfort at the idea that Scott wouldn’t alienate her for this.

“I’m sorry. I should have-”

“Is it mine?” He asked suddenly, cutting her off. The warm, rushed feeling of relief felt as it had been sucked out of her soul as she tilted her head, narrowing her eyes at him. 

“What?”

“The… baby.” The word seemed difficult for him to say. She couldn’t blame him for that. She had just come to terms with the idea of their child being more than a clump of cells within her. Hearing the heartbeat had changed that for her. “Our baby?”

“Of course it’s yours,” she shot back, suddenly feeling venomous, “Who the hell else’s would it be?”

He ducked his head, recoiling from edge in her tone. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, Tess, I just-” 

“You just what?” She hissed, suddenly feeling anything but comforted by his presence, “You just figured that since you were screwing around behind my back that I was doing the same to you?” 

His eyes widened, shaking his head slowly, reaching for her hand again. 

“No! And I told you, that’s not what’s going on, she-”

“She was leaving your house, Scott! If you weren’t sleeping with her, what was she doing here?” 

“I was trying to tell you-” he began again, but Tessa didn’t give him a chance to speak. 

“How many other girls are there?” She challenged, trying to keep her voice from breaking with tears. “Besides Vanessa, how many other girls have been here?” 

Scott groaned, running his hands through his hair and pushing himself to his feet, turning away from her. 

“Did you just not think I’d find out?” She asked again, the jealousy and anger now raging inside her, “I came here because I need you! I can’t believe you would destroy the trust I put in you by-”

“Trust?” He spun to face her suddenly, his eyes dark, voice cold. “Are you fucking kidding me, Tessa? That’s rich coming from you. Okay, let’s talk about trust! What about the trust that you had in me when you lied to my face about being pregnant?”

“I never technically said-” she tried to defend herself, but he cut her off. 

“Omission is still betrayal, Tessa.” The sharp edge in his voice made her go quiet. “So tell me about the _trust_ that made you lock yourself in the washroom and tell me to get the fuck away from you.” He was speaking quickly, spitting the words at her. “The trust that made you think I was good enough to fuck but not good enough to be there for you when you’re pregnant with our child? Tell me about the fucking trust, Tessa. And then tell me how _I_ betrayed _you_.” 

Tessa sucked in a breath, his harsh words shocking her into silence. He stood with his hands on his hips, turning away from her again and then moving out of the living room and down the hallway, headed toward the kitchen. She sat, exhaled slowly, her breath shuddering. 

“Fuck!” He screamed from the kitchen, followed by the sound of metal clattering. Tessa jumped, looking toward the hallway with wide eyes before clamoring to her feet. She stood for a moment, unsure of what to do. He was frustrated, she understood that. He was hurt. Beyond hurt. And she was an idiot for expecting this to go well when she had kept him in the dark for two months. 

He suddenly appeared in the hallway again, his lips pressed together, eyes red and hair askew. 

“Just tell me something, okay?” He asked, his chest rising with heavy breaths. “I just want you to tell me why you lied to me. Why, that night in your hotel room, couldn’t you have just told me the truth?”

“I was scared,” she answered immediately, needing no time to consider his question. “I had no idea what to do. I was shocked. I didn’t want to believe it.” 

His tired eyes on her, he let out a sigh and hung his head. 

“We’re better than this,” he whispered finally. 

“I know,” she found herself agreeing a moment later, swallowing the lump in her throat. She wanted to speak, but could feel the emotion already rising within her. She shook her head slowly in an attempt to steady herself, but when she finally spoke, her words echoed with a sob. “I’m so sorry.” 

He looked toward her, watching her cry as she stood there, exposed to him. Her dark hair strayed from the ponytail it had been tied in, her skin soft and pink and vulnerable as she wept.

“It’s my fault,” she managed to say quietly, taking a shuddering breath, “I was so scared, and all I could think about was how this would ruin us. I could take the disappointment and I could shelve that away because I chose to keep the baby, but I…I just couldn’t break your heart like that. I couldn’t destroy your life.” 

She stood crying into her own hands for another moment, feeling idiotic and ashamed and full of regret. A moment later, his arms were around her, his hands stroking her dark hair, his fingers pulling her hands away from her face, his lips brushing her temple. 

“Look at me,” he whispered, but she averted her gaze, fat tears still rolling down her porcelain cheeks. “Hey.” His voice was so gentle, so quiet. She finally let her eyes meet his for a moment but then looked away, her lower lip trembling as she shuddered against the quiet sobs. 

“T,” he spoke her nickname, his voice steady. “You couldn’t destroy my life if you tried. And, Jesus, Tess, you’re pregnant with our child! You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”

Her eyebrows knitted together in question as he placed a gentle hand beneath her chin and raised her eyes to his. 

“Really?” Her voice was so small and quiet. She felt like a child in his arms, both of them teenagers again and desperate for the other’s affections. 

“Yes,” he spoke softly to her, and then used his thumb to wipe away the last of her tears. “Maybe this isn’t the perfect time for it but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve thought about this for years.” At the concern on her face, he traced the curve of her jaw with his fingertips. “I’ve been in love with you since I was nine years old, Tess. You’ve always known that.” 

She had known that. Her face flushed as she tried to think of something to say in return. The words she knew he wanted to hear were in her head, but she couldn’t bring herself to say them. Saying those three words made her feelings real. She didn’t have the energy to consider what that might mean right now. 

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” he finally spoke, coming to terms with the fact that she couldn’t find the right words. “We’re going to be partners in this, okay? Just like on the ice. If you fall, I’m there for you. If I fall, you can laugh at me while I get my shit together, yeah?” 

She tried to suppress the smile that tugged at the end of her lips, but a shudder overtook her and she turned her head into his chest, hiding her face from him. His hand stroked the back of her head and she listened as he took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and purposefully. His heart thumped in his chest and she suddenly thought of the burgeoning life inside her, the effect this stress and anger would have on the baby, and guilty tears stung her eyes once again. 

“We can do this, T,” he assured her, his lips against her ear, breath tickling her skin. “Are you with me?” 

She focused on her breathing as well, allowing herself to exhale with him as his fingers stroked the ends of her hair. 

“Yeah,” she finally conceded, “I’m with you.” 

“Okay,” he sighed softly, his lips brushing her temple. “Then let’s do it. You and me against the world. Just like it always has been. Just like it always will be.”


	8. Chapter 8

Scott was more attentive and loving that Tessa had even expected him to be. Each time she turned around he was there, offering her a bottle of water or asking if she needed to rest her feet. It was endearing at first, and then kind of funny, and now it was toeing the edge of her patience. She knew he meant well, but she couldn’t so much as do a lap on the ice without him whipping up beside her and pelting her with questions: _Are you okay? Is this safe? Did the doctor say this was healthy? Are you sure you’re okay?_ She wanted to hug him, tell him she appreciated his concern, and then punch him in the face.

Now, they found themselves on the white couch in her living room, her legs stretched and feet resting in his lap. His hands gently caressed her slightly swollen ankles and calves. They’d spent the morning at the arena and, as usual, Scott had tracked her progress around the rink, catching up with her all too often to inquire about her well-being. She had smiled and pushed herself through the exercises, but now her body was paying for the exertion. 

“Tess, you just can’t push yourself like that right now,” he was saying, using his palm against the heel of her foot. “It’s not just you anymore, you know?”

She closed her eyes to resist the temptation to roll her eyes. 

Yes, she was quite aware. He reminded her every chance he got, and while she didn’t mind having an extra poached egg for breakfast in the morning, she felt as if she couldn’t breathe without him reminding her that she was also breathing for the baby, and that she better take another breath just in case the baby needed some extra oxygen. 

Okay, maybe he wasn’t that bad. _Yet_.

“I’m fine,” she breathed for what felt like the hundredth time that day, though her body protested her words. She had known as soon as she had stepped off the ice that she had overdone it, but the baby was getting bigger every day and she only had so long before stepping into the rink may truly present a danger to the life inside her. “And I need some exercise. The doctor even told you that. To your face. Each of the three times you asked her.” 

Scott let out a little sigh before letting his hands rest on her feet and glancing up at her. 

“Ice skating though, Tess? I mean I know you have more balance than the average person on ice, but-”

“Oh, you think so?” She teased, reaching down to take his hands into hers, “Gosh, Mr. Moir, you really think I can handle myself on the ice better than the average person?”

Her playful voice made him smile and he shook his head. 

“Come on, you know what I mean. It’s just… it could be dangerous.”

Their eyes met and slowly the smiles left their lips. She suddenly knew what he was thinking and she opened her mouth.

“Scott, no!” 

“Tess…” he warned. Tessa crossed her arms across her chest unconsciously, pulling her feet from Scott’s lap as he sat toward her. His hands fidgeted in his lap. “I’m not asking you to give it up forever. Just until after the baby’s born.” Quietly, he added, “You knew this time was going to come.”

“Not yet,” she insisted, her eyes falling upon her slightly swollen belly, “I’m barely five months. I still have time, I… I’m barely showing.” 

He knitted his eyebrows at her for a moment before scooting closer to her, allowing his hands to rest gently on the bump beneath her shirt. 

“Baby, I hate to disappoint, but… you’re definitely showing. I know we’re keeping this from the media as long as we possibly can, but our families know. Most of our friends know. You can only wear hoodies in public for so long before someone figures it out. It’s almost April.” He reached with one hand to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. “We can’t keep denying it.” 

“We can keep denying it and that’s what we’re going to do,” she corrected him, placing her hand on top of his. “You know that as soon as we say the word baby, we’re going to be swamped with reporters. I just need some more time to… take this all in before it hits us in the face everywhere we go.” She looked at him for a moment, “And what are they going to think of us? We haven’t even made the official announcement that we are anything more than professional.” 

Scott smirked at her, bringing her fingers to his lips and brushing her knuckles with soft kisses. 

“Trust me, they already know. Besides,” he added after a moment, “I always thought you weren’t interested in making any kind of big announcement regarding our relationship.” 

Their relationship. The word made Tessa wince. That was treading into unfamiliar territory. They hadn’t even properly discussed what this relationship was between them. Obviously it was more than business partners, more than friends. Scott seemed to sense this and tilted his head at her. 

“What are you thinking?” He wondered, a small smile playing across his lips. 

“Honestly, I don’t know,” she eyed him. “What are you thinking?” 

His thumb traced the back of her hand, her green eyes watching him. 

“I think that word makes you uncomfortable.” 

“It doesn’t,” she shot back, averting her gaze to gaze at her belly. “I know there’s a…. relationship. We’ve had a relationship for twenty-one years. We’ve been best friends, business partners…” 

“Friends with benefits,” he added, causing her to shoot him a glare. He had to smile at her awkwardness. “Come on, Tess. It’s been five years since we’ve starting sleeping together. We’re having a baby. Don’t you think it’s time for an official title? More than just, ‘My skating partner’?” 

Tessa let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she’d been holding in. A smile pressed across her lips. 

“What, you mean like, ‘my baby daddy?’” She joked, snickering to herself. Scott’s eyes remained focused on her, her eyes catching his as her laughter faded away. 

“No,” he said quietly, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, “Like… my girlfriend.” 

Tessa quieted, her lips parting slightly in surprise. She could feel her face and chest flush suddenly, the tips of her ears burning hot with something that felt like a mixture of embarrassment and desire. She bit on her lower lip before forcing her eyes to meet his. She wanted to mention Vanessa suddenly to make the moment a light one and brush his words off, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. He’d finally admitted, sheepishly, that Vanessa was a friend from hockey, and she was at his house because she’d been interested, but not in him. She’d actually come to Scott’s house to ask him to introduce her to Tessa, as she’d admitted having a crush on her from afar for some time now. Scott had cringed as he’d recalled the situation to her while also trying not to let on that he and Tessa’s relationship went deeper than business partners. They’d laughed about it then, Tessa teasing him that if she ever got bored with him, she knew someone she could call upon.

“You’re serious?” For all the inner turmoil she was experiencing, her voice came out light, almost flirty. It was what she had wanted to convey, but she had hoped to come off more ambivalent. She, however, was terrible at flirting. When it came to flirting with Scott, all bets were off. She’d spent the better part of the past five years giving him bedroom eyes and pressing her body against his and it wasn’t until this moment that he’d ever pressed her on making their relationship official. She wondered if it had been because she’d always given him her body so easily. And now? What made this moment in time different aside from the child growing inside her? She swallowed hard, ready to bring up that very point when he spoke again. 

“I’ve been waiting my entire life to be able to call you my girlfriend, Tess. And, I hope one day I can call you more than that-” 

Her eyes grew wide, one hand coming up to cut him off. 

“Not yet,” she whispered, blinking up at him, her eyes suddenly wet. “Not right now.” 

He smiled softly at her, tilting his head. 

“Okay.”

He sat quietly, hands resting in his lap awkwardly as she looked toward him, expecting him to go on. When he didn’t speak again, she cleared her throat. 

“I meant not yet about the whole ‘more than that’ thing,” she clarified softly, her green eyes tracing his form. “Not… about the other thing.” 

He looked toward her, his eyebrows raising as a grin played across his lips. 

“The other thing?” He questioned, feigning ignorance. “What other thing?” 

“That first thing you said,” she sputtered suddenly, “before the other thing.” 

He knitted his brows at her, shaking his head, though the smile on his lips betrayed his confusion. 

“I’m sorry, Tessa, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do,” she insisted, touching his leg softly, “don’t play dumb, Scott.”

“No, I think I took one too many falls on the ice,” he sighed dramatically, “My memory is already going. I can’t remember what I said. I think you need to refresh my memory.” 

“Scott,” she hissed, rolling her eyes. “Don’t be an ass.” 

“Who’s that?” He feigned, “Is that you, Tessa? I can’t remember anything but your pretty face. I can’t even remember what I just said.” His head moved to her lap, resting carefully on her swollen belly. “Help. I’m fading fast.” 

“You’re an idiot,” she sighed, shaking her head. Scott continued to whimper against her skin and finally her fingers brushed through his dark hair. “Hey.” 

He glanced up at her, the playful smile still etched on his face. 

“What? Were you going to say something?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, clenching her teeth before sighing dramatically. 

“Maybe,” she suggested, feeling a strange full of affection deep within her, “If you asked me a serious question, I’d give you a serious answer.” 

He watched her for a moment before pulling himself into a sitting position next to her. He pushed himself close to her, his fingers resting on her bent knee. 

“Okay, you’re right,” he stated, his voice now calm and soft. “Tessa…” 

“Yes?” She asked, raising an eyebrow towards him. 

“Tessa, will you _please_ go see a doctor about your left eye? I’m getting super concerned, and I-”

She suddenly burst into a loud cackle, smacking his arm, her shoulders heaving with laughter. He chuckled softly, smiling at her, admiring her beauty as she clutched his shoulder, her mouth wide open as the laughter escaped her. It was such a belly-laugh, so true and genuine and unrehearsed that it brought tears to his eyes. 

“You asshole,” she finally managed, still laughing, “You’re such a jerk!”

“I’m your jerk,” he smiled, gripping her hands gently now. “And I’m kidding. Your left eye is just as beautiful as your right. I think. I can only see it half the time.”

“Shut up,” she laughed again, though the moment between them had grown more intimate suddenly and without warning. She sat up a little straighter, giving him a close-lipped smile and allowing him to hold both of her hands in his. 

“Well I can’t shut up,” he laughed softly with her, “because then I couldn’t ask you to be my girlfriend.”

She smiled at him again, her nose wrinkling slightly with the expression. She tilted her head a little, pursing her lips together before letting them part. 

“I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He grinned widely at her before gently releasing her, placing one of his hands on her belly and the other on her jaw as he leaned in to kiss her, soft and sweet and delicate and nothing like the hundreds of times they’d met to fuck in hotels or dressing rooms. The newness of this feeling sent a flutter through Tessa’s belly and she interpreted it as the initial giddiness of romance until it happened again a moment later. 

She paused, pulling back from their kiss and looking down at her belly. Scott’s eyes followed hers and then glanced back up to her. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, the lightheartedness in his voice replaced with concern. 

She didn’t answer him for a moment, studying the bump beneath her clothes before she suddenly gasped, pushing herself against the back of the couch and pressing her hands to her belly. 

“Oh my God!” She cried suddenly, beginning to cry and laugh at the same time. Scott stood, prepared for anything. 

“What’s wrong?!” He asked again, his voice raising an octave as emotion broke. 

“The baby!” She suddenly grabbed his hand, pushing her shirt up and pressing him against her belly. “Here!” 

He stood hovering over her for a moment, eyes full of unasked questions, but she shushed him, placing a finger to his lips and catching his gaze. Her eyes danced with brilliant color as he stood quietly, keeping vigil with her. 

As their eyes met, it happened again: a soft fluttering beneath the tight stretch of her belly. His eyes were wide now, both of their gazes blurry with tears at the feel of their child moving within her. They both laughed again, though this time their voices were quieter and awe-filled. Scott suddenly moved closer to her lap, framing her hands on her belly with his own, pressing his lips against the soft pale skin. 

“Hey,” he whispered, nuzzling the firm bump. “I feel you in there, little one. It’s me, Daddy. I know you’re spending an awful lot of time with Mom, but don’t forget about me out here.” 

Tessa bit her lip, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. He grinned up at her and then pressed his lips to her belly again, whispering something Tessa couldn’t quite hear. 

“Hey, no secrets,” she teased, and suddenly he was kissing up her belly, past her delicate neck and jawline all while his hands remained cupped around her belly. 

“Not a secret,” he smiled, pressing his lips against the soft curve of her neck and shoulder. “Not a secret anymore, anyway.” 

“What’s not a secret anymore?” She questioned, tilting her neck to allow his soft kisses as they pressed their hands against the baby’s sturdy kicks. 

“That Mommy does, in fact, like Daddy, even despite her protests.”

Tessa laughed. 

“That’s a pretty bold assumption, mister.” 

He smiled at her, hand still pressed against her belly. The baby’s movements made his hand jump gently.

“That’s why I’m asking you to hang up your skates,” he said after a moment, locking eyes with her. “Because if something happened to you, or the baby…” His voice faded. 

She sat silently for a long moment, exhaling heavily. The joy of the moment was gone, and the sinking feeling of disappointment bubbled in her throat. She had known this day was coming. More than anything, she should have prepared for this moment. Her heart ached but the baby within her kicked, and Tessa knew that there wasn’t a choice. It had to be done for their child. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly, reading her face. “I know how devastating this is to you.” He took his hand from her belly to rub her back. “And you have my word, I’m not stepping back onto the ice until you do.” 

She glanced up at him, shaking her head. 

“Scott, no. You don’t have to do that.” 

“I know I don’t,” he acknowledged, placing a soft kiss against her temple. “But I want to. For you. And for us. You’re my partner, Tess. On the ice and off. Without you, there’s no me.” 

She wanted to cry then, though she wasn’t sure if it was because she felt sorry for herself or so incredibly blessed to have him. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, placing a hand on his face and stroking his cheek with her thumb. “That means a lot to me.”

“Well you mean a lot to me,” he smiled back at her, watching as the flush colored her cheeks. “And besides, I couldn’t lift you right now if I tried.”

Scott broke into laughter and Tessa rolled her eyes playfully. 

“Asshole.”


	9. Chapter 9

“I really don’t want to leave you.” As he spoke, he folded clothes into a small travel bag, looking at her with eyes full of concern. Tessa laid sprawled across the bed, her hands resting on the bump beneath her t-shirt, watching him. 

“I’m going to be fine,” she smiled, her eyes tracking his movements. “It’s for two nights and you’ll be back by Sunday afternoon. What kind of trouble could I possibly get into within forty-eight hours?” 

“That’s what I’m worried about too,” he sighed before sitting on the edge of the bed. He reached for her hand, curling her fingers within his palm. She tugged on his hand, bringing his eyes to hers.

“Scott, come on. You already called my mom to confirm she’s spending the night tomorrow, even though I already _told_ you she was. I’m just going to spend today lounging around watching old movies. I might order one of those brioche sandwiches with avocado and arugula if I’m feeling really reckless later.” 

“Wow Tess, don’t go completely crazy on me, you’re carrying our child,” he teased, smiling at her and patting her hand.

She laughed, pulling herself up into a sitting position and adjusting herself to pull her legs beneath her. Her belly was bigger now, swollen and round. Scott loved to push her shirt up and use his index and middle fingers as the legs of a figure skater, making gentle figure 8's and imitating their well-rehearsed routines. It had been three weeks since she’d last stepped foot on ice, and while she found his gentle movements endearing, it also made her ache for the life she had known prior to pregnancy. 

“Like I said, I’ll be fine,” she followed up, squeezing his hand before peering into the small suitcase. “Are you sure you’re packing enough clothing?” 

“Yeah,” he eyed his suitcase and then her, “I have two pairs of pants, two shirts. I’ll be there for less than two days. Why would I need more than that?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, “what if you get your shirt dirty, or spill something on your pants?” 

He smirked, leaning over to kiss her. 

“Well, you won’t be there, so I probably won’t be getting anything on my pants,” he teased her, causing her to crow with laughter.

“You’re right, I won’t be there… which is why you better remember that your _girlfriend_ is waiting here at home for you,” she made a point to stress the word playfully before propping herself against the headboard. “But seriously, Scott, just enjoy yourself. You deserve it, okay?” 

He smiled at her, shrugging her words off. 

“Yeah, I’m just worried about you. I have a bad feeling about leaving you alone, T. I wish you could come with me.” His words were soft and serious, eyebrows knitted in concern.

“It’s a bachelor party,” she laughed, “you’ll be drunk off your ass and singing karaoke in some shit bar somewhere by midnight tonight. What would I do, waddle around the hotel room? Don’t you think I’m more comfortable here in my own home? Besides, if I went with you, we wouldn’t be able to have crazy I’m-so-glad-you’re-home sex on Sunday, right?”

He sighed, acknowledging her words. He leaned in, kissing her gently before bending to touch her belly. He pushed the soft cloth of her maternity shirt up to the space just beneath her breasts and placed a soft kiss on the tightly stretched skin. 

“And you behave, too,” he advised the child within her lovingly. “I don’t want to hear about you causing Mommy any trouble while I’m away, okay? Give Mommy a break, she’s working really hard to grow you, little bean.”

“Little bean?” Tessa laughed suddenly, looking up at him with her gorgeous green eyes. “What’s that about?” 

She saw his cheeks flush pink before he shrugged, turning away to grab an extra pair of shoes and shoving them into the travel bag, zipping it up. 

“It’s my nickname for the baby,” he admitted softly after a moment, avoiding eye contact with her. Tessa giggled softly, reaching for his hand. 

“Don’t be embarrassed. It’s cute. You’re cute.” 

In another hour, his bag was packed and they had kissed goodbye four times. 

“Do you have the list of all the numbers you need?” He asked her as he dragged his feet towards the door, still clutching her hand. “The doctor, the hospital, the hotel I’m staying at?” 

“Yes, yes, yes,” she ticked off the boxes in her mind, kissing him for each affirmative word. “Scott, look at me.” 

His dark eyes met hers and she hugged him suddenly, taking a deep breath and letting it out. He followed suit immediately, matching the pace of his breathing with hers, opening his eyes as he exhaled finally. She was pressed against his chest, looking up at him with sparkling green eyes and wearing a wide smile. 

“Better?” She asked softly. 

“Better,” he nodded after a moment, kissing her again before she was ushering him out the door, telling him to have fun and promising to call if anything out of the ordinary happened. 

She stood, watching him back out of the driveway and hovering in the living room for five, ten, fifteen minutes before she was rushing to her bedroom closet to retrieve the white skates that hung from a hook on the back of the door.

**  
She wasn’t doing it to spite him, really. She just needed one last time at the rink, the cold feel of the air against her skin, her hair blowing in the breeze as she made her rounds. She hadn’t gotten to say a proper goodbye to the life she’d had before and she knew that one last time was all she needed to come to peace with the separation. After she stepped off the ice today, she’d hang her skates back up, not to be touched until after the doctor said it was safe to do so. 

But the doctor wasn’t here today, and neither was Scott. Her heart raced in her chest as she stooped on a bench in the locker room, pulling the skates onto her feet. It wasn’t easy to bend with the swell of her belly keeping her from accessing her feet easily, so she folded her legs onto the bench, struggling to slip her foot in. She encountered resistance as she never had before, realizing that the slight swelling to her ankles kept her prized skates from fitting perfectly as they always had. Once her skates were on and tied, she decided that the discomfort wasn’t enough to put her off her plan. She wouldn’t be on the ice for that long, anyway. 

Once she stood, aside from the slight discomfort, she felt as if nothing had changed. It was easy to look down and see the skates and pretend there wasn’t a bulge in her abdomen. And it wasn’t that she didn’t want the baby. She did, or she wouldn’t have decided to give birth, but… something was missing in her life. And as she stood there, admiring her reflection in the mirror before her, she realized that something was skating. No matter how she felt about Scott or the baby, skating would always be lurking just beneath their faces in her mind, reminding her that it had always been her first love.

The guards still protecting the blades of her skates, she moved toward the rink, walking carefully but just as gracefully as ever. Excitement built in her chest as she moved, already feeling the cool air blow against her skin. She knew Scott would be disappointed, and for that she felt guilty, but this wasn’t about him. This was about quenching the thirst within her, giving herself closure for the next few months until she would wear her skates again without caution. For what it was worth, she intended to tell him the truth. She knew she had deceived him enough within the past few months to last a lifetime. He would be upset, she knew, but he would forgive her. With Scott, however, it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. 

She stopped before she got to the ice. She stood for a moment, watching the few others in the rink glide coolly across the slick surface. She bent, slipping the guards off the blades of her white skates and setting them on the bench before her. She was so close now, another step and it would be just as if she had never stepped away. But something made her hesitate. Her fingers rested against the edge of the half-wall that circled the rink. That now-familiar flutter in the lower part of her belly was what made her pause. It brought her back to reality for a moment, long enough for her to look down at the black shirt stretched across her belly. Suddenly, she couldn’t believe she had made it this far without realizing how stupid she’d been.

What was she doing? The flutter rippled through her belly again and she suddenly felt as if she would burst into tears. She sunk onto the bench next to the wall and began to pull her skates off, unlacing them as she tugged them off her feet. She’d nearly let her own selfish desire for normalcy overrule common sense and, even worse, the safety of her unborn child. Tessa felt her face flush with shame and suddenly wished Scott were here to tell her how stupid she’d been and make her realize how selfish her actions were. 

Of course, that’s not what Scott would have done. He wouldn’t have admonished her and made her feel guilty for seeking comfort the only way she knew how. He would hold her, stroke her back and tell her he was proud of her for coming to her senses, even if it had been at the very last moment. 

Tessa grabbed her skates as they slipped off her feet, swinging them over her shoulder and picking up the guards in her left hand. She began to trudge back to the locker room to grab her shoes. She would retreat home, defeated but guilt-free and safe. She would spend the rest of the night in her bathrobe just as she had told Scott she would, watching Audrey Hepburn movies and texting him risqué pictures.

The baby’s hard kicks against her abdomen stopped as she moved away from the ice, and Tessa couldn’t help but imagine the fetus pulling its feet back into the protective sac within her, shaking its head at her carelessness. _Shit_ , she realized with a half-smile as she pushed into the washroom before heading back to the locker room, _Scott was already influencing this baby to team up with him_. She couldn’t even pretend to be annoyed at the idea when she thought of the joy Scott would get when she shared this story with him.

Tessa placed her skates on the sink beside her as she went to wash her hands after relieving herself. Noticing a puddle of water just before the sink, she stepped over it before turning the faucet off and tossing the damp paper towel into the waste can. In a swift movement, she grabbed her skates and turned toward the door. 

Too late, she spotted the water that trailed from beneath the sink and into the walkway. Before she had a chance to steady herself, she went down, her skates slipping from her grasp and landing beneath her on the slick floor. There was a sudden rush of pain and then a numbness in her abdomen. Tessa caught herself on her hands and knees, but her belly had reached the floor first. For a moment, she was thankful that she hadn’t fallen flat onto her stomach and struggled to sit back on her feet, her heart racing in her chest. She felt herself unable to push herself from her current position on her hands and knees and struggled to comprehend the situation. 

She felt a warm gush of liquid beneath her and glanced down. Her initial assumption was that she had urinated on herself despite just using the toilet, but the liquid that coated the front of her black shirt smelled bitter and coppery, not like urine. 

Her mind worked to connect the pieces of what had happened as she hovered there on the floor, noticing without truly understanding that her black shirt had been spliced open and hung in tatters around her abdomen. It wasn’t until she saw the blade of her ice skate and the pure white leather stained with fresh red blood that she began to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a nurse or a medical student... so let's go for willing suspension of disbelief. :)


	10. Chapter 10

It wasn’t like the dramatic scenes depicted in movies and television where the world became a merciful darkness as the trauma blossomed in her mind, only for her to awaken resting comfortably in a hospital bed after the pain and shock had subsided. She must have lost consciousness at some point, however, because when her surroundings buzzed back into focus there were paramedics surrounding her, hoisting her onto a stretcher. Voices came from every direction. Some of the voices shouted commands, others spoke to her in a much softer volume, encouraging her to lay back or close her eyes or squeeze their hands. 

She tried to sit up, to understand the situation, but gentle hands guided her into a supine position and before she could protest, the wheeled stretcher had begun moving quickly toward the exit of the arena, and for a moment she tried to remember why she was here to begin with. And where was Scott? 

Her head lolled to one side as the stretcher moved, unsuspecting eyes falling upon the puddle of blood that had formed on the floor. Memories rushed back to her suddenly and the strong scent of iron filled her nostrils as she took a frantic breath before crying out. 

“My baby!” She sobbed suddenly, clutching for her stomach. A paramedic moving in time with the stretcher held a heavy fabric against her belly, applying pressure as she clawed at the woman’s hands, tears coming quickly and mercilessly now. “I’m pregnant! My baby!”

“Ma’am, I need you to try to relax,” the paramedic spoke calmly to her, batting her hands away gently as they pushed beyond the entrance to the arena and to the waiting ambulance. “Your heart rate is dangerously high, I need you to think of your child and try to stay calm, okay?” 

“I need to know what’s happening!” Tessa sobbed, struggling against the paramedic’s hands. “Please!”

It wasn’t until after the stretcher had been loaded into the ambulance that there was any sort of reply to her pleading. Hands worked over her, calling out numbers and codes that made no sense to her trauma-addled brain. She wept loudly to herself, calling softly for Scott, or her mother. Someone to be with her right now, to help her understand what was happening and tell her that it would be okay. God, she hoped it would be okay. 

She took a few shuddering breaths as hands attached her to machines and monitors. One pair of gloved hands lifted a large swatch of gauze from beneath her belly. The once white fabric was nearly completely red now, bright and metallic-smelling. 

“Oh my God,” she whimpered, the pain beginning to settle deep in her abdomen. Over the rush of blood and heartbeats in her ears, she heard words thrown into the small confines of the ambulance: _critical blood loss, low blood pressure, elevated heart rate_. “Please, please, please…” she whispered the words to herself and the female paramedic who had spoken to her on the way to the ambulance suddenly leaned closer to her, her dark eyes full of concern.

“Your body is starting to go into shock,” she explained gently, “you’re losing a lot of blood. Your skate, it…well it punctured you pretty good. We’re doing our best, okay? I need you to try and relax. We’ll be at the hospital in five minutes.”

Tessa’s green eyes studied her dark face and her lips began to quiver. Her body suddenly felt cold and brittle and at the same moment the nurse pulled a blanket around her shoulders. 

“It’s the blood loss,” she spoke carefully. “We need to sedate you for a little bit, okay?” 

“No, please,” Tessa’s fingers tried to grasp her warm hands, “Please. I need to know if my baby’s okay.” 

Without speaking, another paramedic suddenly slipped a plastic mask over her nose and mouth, securing it around her head with an elastic band. Tessa turned her head in an attempt to resist the restriction, but the female paramedic was speaking to her again in a soft voice.

“You’re going to be okay,” the voice assured her as her gloved fingers stroked the dark strands of Tessa’s hair. Tessa blinked, focusing on the light above her in the ambulance. Slowly, the room began to spin, her vision going blurry before she slipped into unconsciousness with an unspoken plea still on her lips. 

**

Tessa awoke slowly, her body heavy and dumb. She felt a numbness in her abdomen at first, and only when she attempted to sit up did she feel the sharp pain of skin tearing. She gasped, shocking her mother who was seated in the chair next to the hospital bed. 

“Tessa, what’s wrong?” The older woman stood immediately, reaching for her daughter with one hand and the emergency call button with her other. “You’re okay, honey, take a breath. You’re okay.” 

Tessa’s head rolled towards her mother’s concerned gaze, fear and agony burning her eyes as she tried to swallow. Her throat felt dry and sore and she felt as if she might be sick, but when she retched nothing came but the cramps of dry heaves. Her mother rubbed her back, whispering soothing words as Tessa began to sob, her hands desperately beginning the search for her swollen belly, resting her hands upon the bump. 

“The baby,” Tessa cried, “Mom, is the baby okay?”

“Tessa,” her mother’s voice tried to soothe her, stroking her daughter’s brunette hair. “You need to calm down, baby.” 

Tessa’s desperate breaths turned into keening cries as she clutched at her belly, willing the baby to kick, move, or hiccup. She would have given anything at this point in time to feel any of the little movements she’d begun to take for granted. 

“The baby!” She called again, grasping for her mother’s hands. “Is the baby okay?” 

“Tessa,” her mother’s voice came again, “I need you to breathe. You’ve lost a lot of blood, okay? As far as the doctors can tell, the baby’s okay.”

Her words released a flood of emotion from Tessa and she began to openly weep. Her mother’s hands continued to rub a soothing pattern on her back.   
“The doctors are still concerned,” she noted softly, “your blood pressure dropped. A lot. They couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat at first, not in the ambulance, but once they got you to the hospital one of the doctors was able to locate it. It’s weak, baby, but it’s there. Your baby is tough, like you.” She clasped Tessa’s cool hands between hers, rubbing it as a nurse appeared in the doorway, peeking her head around the corner. 

“You’re starting to come around,” the nurse nodded, smiling gently at her. She was petite and blonde and wore a pair of crisp white scrubs. Tessa’s mind flashed back to those images of red against white; first her skate, and then the gauze in the ambulance. She took a shuddering breath, her lips starting to make words that she couldn’t find the courage to say. 

“Is the baby okay?” She whimpered, “Did you find her heartbeat? Can you still hear it?” She let the words tumble out of her mouth, terrified to know and not know the answers at the same time. 

The nurse’s eyes shifted to a small machine displaying several sets of numbers in different colors. 

“We’re keeping an eye on it,” she explained softly, “Underneath some of those bandages on your belly there’s a little device that’s tracking the baby’s heart rate. We’ve been watching it for about an hour, and we’ll continue to monitor it until the doctor feels that you’re out of the woods.” The nurse moved around Tessa, encouraging her to shift to allow her to slip a blood pressure cuff around her bicep. “You lost a good bit of blood, but we were able to stop the bleeding before any transfusions were necessary.” 

Tessa sat back against the raised bed, watching the numbers rise and fall on the various monitors surrounding her. 

“What happened?” She asked suddenly, realizing that she wasn’t really sure. Her voice was raspy and she suddenly ached for a cup of ice water. “I need something to drink,” she managed to croak. Her mother was up then, gathering a Styrofoam jug and a small cup, pouring the cool liquid before moving back to Tessa, helping her guide it to her cracked lips. Tessa took a long swallow, letting the cold liquid coat her tongue and throat before allowing herself a deep breath. 

“You fell,” the nurse answered her, moving to stand at her bedside, “someone called the emergency line after they found you in the washroom.” She smiled gently at her, “I don’t… I don’t really know the words the doctor would use, but…”

“Please,” Tessa whispered, her eyes searching for the nurse’s and locking her with a gaze. “Please, just tell me. I just need to know.” 

The nurse sighed softly, pressing her lips together before speaking in a softer, quieter tone. 

“You fell on your ice skate, honey. The blade went… well, it went pretty far. Luckily, your baby was protected from much of the physical trauma because of the amniotic sac, but I’ve heard the doctor’s talking. You’re lucky, honey. And that baby… well, you’ve got a fighter on your hands.” 

Tessa sucked a breath in, her tongue darting out to wet her quivering lower lip. She glanced toward the tiny screen that projected the reading from the fetal heart monitor. The nurse smiled gently at her, patting her hand. 

“Don’t worry, you just try to get some rest. I’ll be on shift until seven a.m. If you need anything, you just call for me, okay?” 

Tessa nodded, feeling a sudden warmth for the middle-aged woman. The nurse moved to a whiteboard, where she wrote her name in capital letters. She glanced back a Tessa, offering a quick smile before slipping out of the room. 

Tessa shifted again in the bed, wincing at the pain that tore through her abdomen. 

“They had to give you sixty-eight stitches,” her mother explained, understanding her daughter’s unasked question. “Tessa, that skate…” 

“I don’t know why the guard wasn’t on,” she answered, instinctively knowing the question that lingered between them. “I wasn’t thinking. I had them in my other hand, and then…” 

“I thought you and Scott agreed not to skate until after the baby was born,” she continued after a moment, looking up to meet Tessa’s eyes. Tessa could see the judgment lurking in her eyes beyond the obvious concern.

Scott. She had been so concerned about the baby, she hadn’t had a moment to think about Scott. Where was he? Had someone contacted him? Did he know? 

“Scott,” she whispered suddenly, meeting her mother’s eyes. 

“I called him,” she nodded. “He’s going to be here as soon as he can.” 

Tessa closed her eyes, listening to the quiet beep of the heart rate monitor. Her eyes suddenly felt heavier, her thoughts starting to run together as she thought of Scott, the baby, the nurse, her mother’s concerned gaze. She let her head fall back against the pillow, blinking tiredly at her mother. 

“Get some rest, darling. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Tessa let herself slip back into the bliss of sleep. 

Her mother wasn’t there when she woke again, but Scott was.


	11. Chapter 11

He was perched in the same chair her mother had occupied earlier, one of his hands covering hers, the other resting protectively on her upper thigh. She moved slowly, hesitant to alert him. She knew he would be upset. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to handle seeing him like this, angry at her, hurt, confused. 

But just as he always had, he seemed to sense her presence. His head raised, eyes meeting hers as she blinked herself awake. 

“Tess…” he spoke, but his voice cracked. His eyes were rimmed with red, face splotched with the pink flush of emotion. He reacted to the sound of his own voice and tried to compensate by straightening himself in his chair, pulling himself closer to her and covering her hand with both of his. “Baby, I got here as quick as I could.”

The feel of his hand on hers caused tears to flood her eyes, slipping down her cheeks before she had a chance to wipe them away. Scott made a soft hushing sound beneath his breath and moved toward her without hesitation, using the pads of his thumbs to wipe the drops as they fall. 

“I’m so sorry,” she let the words escape her between breaths, “I shouldn’t have gone to the rink. I was being so selfish, and I wasn’t thinking about-” 

“What were you doing there?” He asked softly, “Tess, please tell me you weren’t skating.”

“I wasn’t,” she added quickly, “I mean, I guess I had planned to. But then once I got there... all I could think about was the promise I made to you and I couldn’t go through with it.” She sniffled loudly, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone.”

“Shh,” he hushed, standing up to slip his arms around her gently, cradling her in a careful embrace. “This isn’t your fault, T. It was an accident.” 

He pressed her against his chest, stroking her hair as she wept. 

“But the baby…” she whimpered. 

“Is okay,” he finished for her gently. “You’ll need to stay in the hospital for a few nights, but they think the baby’s going to be okay.” She raised her eyes to him, and even though the pain in his eyes was evident, he forced a smile for her. “It’s strong, like its Mommy.” 

That’s what everyone kept saying; her mom, the nurse, Scott. But it couldn’t have been further from the truth. Tessa wasn’t strong. She was weak and vulnerable and miserable. She had done something so stupid that could have led to the loss of her child’s life and she knew she’d replay that moment in her head over and over again until it drove her crazy.

“Are you in pain?” He asked, his eyes tracing her supine form. “Is there anything I can get for you?”

“No, I’m okay,” she lied, and then forced a smile to her lips. “It only hurts when I’m breathing.” 

He offered her a sad, sideways smile and Tessa realized that her joke had fallen flat. He leaned over, helping her adjust her pillows, tracing his fingers across her arms at the points where she wasn’t connected to monitors or saline drips. 

“I should have been here with you,” he said finally, his voice quiet and full of emotion. 

“Scott, no,” she protested gently, “you said it was an accident-”

“It was,” he insisted, “but it could have been avoided.” He paused for a moment, sinking into the seat next to her bed and shaking his head. “And I could have lost you. God, Tessa, you could have easily bled to death, and the baby…I would never have forgiven myself.”

She sat, listening as he spoke, the tears welling in her eyes. They were going through the same emotions, but Tessa blamed herself. Scott had done nothing wrong. She was the one who had taken her safety into her own hands, being so reckless with something as precious as their unborn child. 

“It wouldn’t have been your fault, Scott. You… from the moment you found out, you’ve been there. You’ve done everything you could to protect me. And then the minute you leave me alone…” she chewed on her lower lip for a moment, tears building in her eyes. “I don’t know how to do this. I can’t do this. I thought I was ready, but I…I don’t know how to be a mom. The baby isn’t even here yet and I’m already scared to death I’m going to mess this up.” 

“Tessa.” His voice was warm, but firm. The sudden intensity of her name caused her eyes to raise to his. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You’re the most loving, passionate woman I’ve ever known. You have to know that.” 

“It doesn’t feel that way,” she admitted softly, keeping his gaze. “I’m a mess. A year ago we were standing on top of the Olympic podium, and now look at me.” She gestured to the machines and bandages that surrounded her. 

He frowned at her, creasing his eyebrows. 

“You’re not a mess. You’re pregnant and you’ve just been through some major trauma, T. Hey, look at me,” his hand caressed her jaw, bringing her eyes back to his as they began to look away. “You have to believe me, okay? What you’re doing right now, carrying our child? This is nothing like winning gold last year. That was easy compared to this.”

She sniffled, letting herself lean into his touch. His hand brushed her cheek and she tilted her head, resting against him. 

“It was me and you then, and we got through it, right?” His voice was so soft, so loving that she couldn’t stop the tear that slid down her cheek. 

“Yes,” she whispered, her voice barely audible in the somber quiet. 

“We not only got through it, we kicked ass, Tess. You remember that moment, standing there, just listening to the world cheer for us? And then you did that little laugh-cry thing. And you said…”

“I said I couldn’t believe our dreams were coming true.” He nodded silently, confirming her words. 

“You were so beautiful. You were shining. Your eyes were sparkling. You were so full of confidence. And I never thought I could love you more than I did in that moment.” His words left her feeling sad and empty. She remembered the moment well. She would remember it for the rest of her life. She had been so happy, so endlessly satisfied with herself and the hard work she’d put in for so many years to get to the point they’d reached. 

“But I was wrong,” he spoke suddenly, and she knitted her brows at him, her mouth opening to ask the question, but he was already speaking again. “Because right now? Seeing you like this, vulnerable and exposed, and scared? I love you more than I could have even dreamed of that night. Seeing the real Tessa,” he continued, stroking her cheek, “with your hair a mess and our baby growing inside you… you’ve never been more beautiful to me.”

In that moment, the machines were gone. The soft beeping of the heart monitor faded, the shuffle of nurses’ shoes in the hallways disappeared. Tessa saw only Scott, heard only his voice, felt only his touch. And though she knew this wasn’t the time to admit it, it was at that very moment that Tessa finally realized that she had fallen irrevocably in love with him.

**

It was a week before Tessa was discharged from the hospital, and Scott had spent every waking moment by her side. She’d only been able to convince him to leave long enough to shower three times during the week, and never to sleep. He never slept while Tessa was awake, as if he were able to predict when she’d need him. She assumed he slept when she did, but the only proof she had to support that theory were the few times she’d awoken to him rubbing his red eyes, hair mussed and yawning.

The doctor and nurses had watched Tessa dutifully, checking her levels day and night. Scott was always there for that, too. Popping up from his spot beside her bed, asking the right questions and relaying information to her sleep-addled brain in the morning when she’d forgotten everything the doctors had said the night before.

On the afternoon that the doctors had cleared Tessa for discharge, the nurses gave her packets full of information about what to do, what not to do, who to call for help, when to come back to the hospital. Scott had pulled the car around to the entrance and brought Tessa to the exit in a wheelchair. She moved slowly and he was endlessly patient as he helped her into the car, buckling her seat belt for her and carefully shutting the door before climbing into the driver’s seat. 

Prior to leaving the hospital, Scott had collected her bag of belongings and the items she’d had with her when she’d been admitted. He tried to disguise the bloody ice skate by wrapping it in a soft white towel, but even with the extra layer separating it from her, she could still see the stains that marred its fine white leather. As they drove home, all she could think about was that bloody ice skate in the back of the car, unseen but not forgotten.

They shuffled through the front door, Scott supporting most of her weight as she moved carefully through her home, avoiding furniture and holding a hand protectively over her swollen belly. Scott pushed her bedroom door open and they hesitated in the door frame for a moment before Scott encouraged her to move toward the bed. 

“Bed rest,” he ordered, his voice soft but firm. “Do you remember what the doctor said? At least-”

“I remember,” she replied softly as she shifted on the mattress, the stitches on her belly stinging as she positioned herself. “Three weeks.”

“At least three weeks,” he corrected her, propping pillows up behind her, rubbing her back gently as he perched himself on the edge of the bed. “Longer if you don’t follow the list of strict instructions we left the hospital with.”

“Somehow I feel like you’re not going to give me a choice about that,” she surmised as he moved next to her. Tessa shifted carefully onto her side and Scott scooted in beside her, his arm easily slipping around her waist, hand coming to rest gingerly on her belly. 

“You’re right, I’m not,” he spoke softly into her ear. “You’re lucky the doctor specifically wrote that bathroom breaks are okay, or you’d be using a bedpan for the next two weeks.”

She laughed softly, bringing her hand up to her belly, pressing gently and moving her fingers in slow, concentrated circles. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, sensing her tension. 

“I just… I’m just nervous. Before this happened, I felt the baby moving around all the time and it’s been… significantly less since.”

Scott pressed his palm against her belly as well. 

“But the baby’s heart-” 

“Is beating, yeah,” she completed his sentence. “I’m just paranoid, I guess. I just wish it would do something.”

“Well, maybe the baby understands that its Mommy needs rest and is behaving,” he teased gently. “We go back to the doctor in three days, T. If you’re still concerned then, let’s just ask about it.”

She sighed softly, nearly inaudibly. Scott watched her motionless form before propping himself up on one elbow and brushing a dark strand of loose hair behind one of her ears. 

“Tell me what else is wrong,” he commanded her gently, and a moment later she turned onto her back, head pressed against the pillow. Her dark hair spread beneath her like a halo, her face soft and so unsure. 

“This isn’t what I expected,” she admitted softly, making eye contact with him. “When this all started. I didn’t expect to be so helpless and vulnerable. I didn’t want to get to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed.” Her lower lip trembled. “This is all so different, Scott. I’m scared.”

He didn’t speak for a long moment, his thumb brushing her cheek. 

“Well, you didn’t expect to have an ice skate puncture your belly,” he began, his voice light. Tessa blinked at him. Quickly realizing his poorly thought-out joke, he shook his head slowly at her. “I don’t think you really understand how close you came to a really tragic event, Tess. You could have bled to death, the baby could have died…” he paused, his voice low and full of emotion, “and unless you take care of yourself for the few remaining months of this pregnancy, something terrible could still happen.”

Her eyes lowered and she blinked until tears blurred her vision. 

“I feel so guilty,” she let the words fall from her lips. “And then when I start to feel sorry for myself, I feel even worse for throwing myself a pity party. I just feel like I can’t do anything right. I can’t even grow our baby.”

“Tessa,” he said her name, causing her to raise her gaze back to him. “You have to stop, okay? You can’t keep comparing your life now to your life last year. It’s a different world; it’s a different universe.”

“But I-”

“Tess, baby, listen to me.” She closed her lips, looking up at him with dark green eyes. “What’s happening right now is not something you can control. You don’t have any judges to impress, you don’t need to put on a show for anyone. What you need to do is be a human being. You need to understand that your body is extremely vulnerable, and that’s okay. You need to let yourself be vulnerable.”

“How?” She breathed out after a moment, “I can’t just-” 

“You can,” he interrupted her, “and you have to, Tessa.” His eyes slipped from her eyes to her abdomen before he carefully pushed her shirt over her navel, revealing the long row of stitches and medley of bruises, ranging in color from brown to yellow, others purple and red. “Look at yourself.”

She lowered her gaze slowly, eyes taking in the evidence of the trauma she had endured. She felt sick and scared and wished she could avert her gaze. 

“This is you, Tess. You’re a human being. You’re not indestructible and you should understand that now.”

It hurt, to hear the truth come from him in such a way. Of course she knew that she wasn’t indestructible, but to see herself this way, covered in bruises and scars and knowing that she’d come so close to killing either herself or her child hit her hard. A darkness unfurled inside her. She had felt it building for some time, she realized, but had always managed to hold it at bay. Now, it was like a dark shadow that slid through her veins, slipping its fingers into her nerves and pulling her into its embrace. The sadness and desperation in her suddenly felt overpowering, and she turned on her side, not looking at Scott. 

“You’re right,” was all she could say. He sat next to her for another moment. Her fingers pushed her shirt back down to cover the mess of her abdomen.

“Tessa, I didn’t-”

“I need to rest,” she revealed the words softly. “You’re right. I guess I’m just tired. I’ll be okay.”

Through all the lies she had told to Scott over the past several months, none of them felt as big as the one she had just uttered to him. She wasn’t sure she would be okay, now or ever again. 

“Okay…” he sighed reluctantly, “well, I’ll be in the living room if you need me.” He leaned close to her, brushing a kiss over her temple.

Tessa laid still for a long while after he had left the room. He was right, and she knew it. She was only human; she could only take so much. The baby could only take so much. But it felt like failure. She had never felt the suffocating grip of depression, but wondered now if it had been the slithering blackness that was encompassing her. 

Suddenly, there was movement in her abdomen, even if only for a moment. She knew she’d felt that soft flutter, immediately recognized it as the baby adjusting itself within her. Even with this affirming knowledge, she couldn’t stop the tears that wet the pillow beneath her head.


	12. Chapter 12

Scott had been so gentle with her. Even now, with a week left to go in her sentence, he was patient and forgiving, bringing her chocolate as a treat each day. The days passed so slowly for her, and between the depression that seemed to sink further into her and the inability to do much of anything besides slow walks around the house, she was sure she’d never had a lower point in her life. 

It seemed that Scott was able to sense the deafening silence within her and brought her small gifts, told her jokes, laid with her in bed and discussed what to name the baby. He’d even pretended to toy with the idea of letting Tessa name their daughter, if it indeed was a girl, Talulah because he knew it would make her smile. When he wasn’t beside her though, the darkness within her consumed her, bringing tears and guilt and restlessness. She’d spent so much time thinking about the choices she’d made in her life, what she’d done wrong and right, and how she’d spend the rest of her life navigating those consequences. 

It was on the tenth day of bed rest that she’d brought up the topic with Scott: they needed to make an official announcement to the media. With nothing to distract her from watching television or searching online, it was becoming all she could think about. There were already rumors swirling around the trip she’d made to the hospital. Some had reported that she’d collapsed from exhaustion. Others had seen the bloody remains and surmised that she’d had a terrible accident, which wasn’t exactly untrue. 

He was hesitant to discuss the topic, at first. 

“I don’t know, Tess. I mean, I’m more concerned about making sure you get through these next few months. Does it really matter right now?” 

“To me, it does,” she told him, her dark eyes serious and full of concern.

“Okay,” he stated, after watching her for a moment. “Okay, if you really want to. What do you want to tell them? We can write something up and I’ll have PR handle it.” 

“I don’t know,” she admitted quietly, “I didn’t get that far.”

He smiled at her then, that look of affection that, even despite the pain in her heart, made her feel flush and giddy.

“Okay. Well, why don’t we just tell them the truth?” He suggested. “We can just write up a statement saying that, yes, you’re pregnant, and we just want privacy?”

“But what about us?” She asked after a moment, sitting against the headboard of the bed, her knees folded. 

“What about us?” He asked. “I think they’ll figure out what we did once we tell them you’re expecting our baby.”

She forced a smile to her lips, shaking her head at him. 

“I mean… what about _me_?”

His brows knitted in confusion, narrowing his eyes at her. 

“What about you?”

She chewed on the inside of her lip, unsure of how to say what she needed to express. 

“I just… I’m concerned about my reputation, I guess.” Her voice came out soft and vulnerable, and even she felt surprised that she’d been able to reveal such a hidden emotion to Scott. She’d spent several days trying to figure out why she felt this way, and finally came to terms with the fact. She’d been presented as such a wholesome, inspiring athlete during their careers. She’d seen the faces of smiling children, little girls with white skates just like hers who hugged her and told her they wanted to be just like her when they grew up. Little girls just like her baby might be.

To her surprise, Scott laughed out loud. 

“Your reputation? Tess, everyone’s known about us for years despite our attempts to deceive them. I really don’t think it’ll come as much of a surprise.” The goofy grin on his face made her angry suddenly and she felt her face flush with indignation. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She challenged him, watching as his face fell.

“It’s… not supposed to mean anything,” he countered, “I’m just saying-” 

“Saying that no one’s going to be surprised when they found out I let you fuck me without making you wear a condom?”

Scott blinked, sitting back in surprise. 

“Tess? Where is this coming from?”

She hesitated, unsure of herself for a moment. She didn’t know when this had become such a pressing issue for her, but she assumed it had something to do with the fact that she’d had little else but her own thoughts to dwell on for the past ten days. Scott had done his best, turning on her favorite movies. He’d even brought his beloved gaming systems to her, desperate to keep her entertained and satisfied while in such discomfort. Still, the pressing issue before them had continued to remain in the forefront of her mind.

“Do you not care about how I feel?” She asked suddenly, feeling foolish. Of course he did. He’d proven that time and time again. Still, she’d made her point and couldn’t back down now.

“Of course I do!” He cried before pressing his lips together. “Okay. I’m sorry. You’re right, your feelings are what matter here.” He reached out to touch her cheek, his eyes soft. “What do you think we should say?”

She sat back, watching him before speaking. 

“I think we should say we’re getting married.”

Scott gaped at her, his lips parted with surprise and eyes wide. 

“What?” The word shot from his lips like a bullet, dark eyes full of surprise. “But you…I said…why?”

Suddenly, she felt hot and sick. She didn’t know why she was doing this, but it had gone too far for her to stop now. Part of her believed that she needed to protect her image in any way she knew how, but the other part of her told her that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought; all that mattered was that she, and Scott, and the baby were happy. 

But therein lied the problem. She wasn’t happy. She was full of the dark cloud that had been following her around for some time. The shadow that had managed to completely encompass her since she’d been stuck in this bed, bored and anxious and frustrated. 

“Because it’s the only way to save our image,” she found herself going on, “we can just say we eloped last year. Around October. No one will do the math well enough to prove us wrong.”

There was silence between them for a long moment before Scott spoke. 

“So… you want to lie and say we’re married, but… you don’t want to get married?”

“Yes,” she answered quickly, watching his face, her eyes pleading with him silently. She wanted him to say something, to tell her she was ridiculous and that he was offended by her suggestion. She wanted him to yell, stomp out of the room, show any emotion other than the patience and love he’d shown her. She wanted him to treat her the way she deserved to be treated. Suddenly, she ached for it. She wanted to have a reason to be so upset with him; she needed a reason to cry. She needed a reason to believe that her depression was someone’s fault, that someone had caused her to be this irrational and sad and that it wasn’t her body betraying her.

He made eye contact with her, and for a moment, she thought he might. She could see the pain in his eyes, the hurt in his voice, and she longed for him to raise his voice at her, but he didn’t.

“Okay,” he stated after a long moment, his voice soft. “Okay, if that’s what you want, we can do that.”

His calm, measured response was what finally made her cry out. 

“Damnit, Scott!” The words rushed past her lips and before he even had a chance to respond, she was weeping. Heavy sobs wracked her slender frame and she wanted to get out of bed and run, but her body kept her where she was. 

“Tess, what…” his hands came out towards her and she was shrugging out his grasp, pushing his hands away, “what did I do?”

“Why do you have to be like this?” She hissed at him, kicking the blankets away from her, her shirt riding up, exposing that hideous scar. “Why do you have to be so damn understanding? Why can’t you just tell me that I fucked up our lives? Just tell me that I’m a selfish bitch and I don’t deserve you, okay?”

Scott sat watching her, raising his hands to stop her, but she continued.

“I can’t take this anymore, okay? Every day, this just gets worse and I can’t come to terms with the fact that this is what my life has become! I can’t accept that this is who I am now, and when you sit there and smile at me and try to make me feel better, it makes me feel like shit.” She took a deep, shuddering breath, and when she spoke again her voice was low and emotionless. “I can’t take this depression anymore.”

She kept her gaze averted from him, wiping at her face angrily, eyes locked on her belly. 

“Tessa, I…” his voice trailed off, and he made a slow move toward her, but didn’t try to reach out to her. “I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me you were depressed?”

“Why, so you can tell me some corny jokes and try to make me laugh? Try to make me forget about this whole fucked-up situation?” She shot back, her watery eyes narrowed at him now.

“Well…yeah,” he answered after a moment. “Isn’t that what you do for someone you love?”

“Why?” She challenged him, her heart racing in her chest. She knew this was dangerous, but she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t tell herself to calm down any more than she could tell her hair to grow faster. Not right now. Not when her body was beginning to betray her in every way possible. “Why do you love me? I’m terrible to you.”

Scott blinked, unfazed by her question. 

“I love you because I’ve always loved you,” he answered without hesitation. “And that’s not going to change. Especially not now.” Slowly, watching her, he reached out to touch her. “You’re going through hell right now. What do you want me to do, say fuck this and walk out? Do you really think I’d do that?”

She didn’t respond, instead watching him with green eyes that were dark with an unnamed emotion. 

“Well, if that’s what you were waiting for, then you’re going to be waiting a long time.” His gaze remained on her, tears slipping down her cheeks. “Why are you being so hard on yourself?”

“I don’t know what happened,” she said finally. “And I don’t know how to love myself like this.”

He tilted his head, watching her. 

“Then let me love you enough for both of us,” he suggested. “And one day, when you’re able to understand that you’re the same person you’ve always been, maybe you can start again.” 

“I’m so tired of feeling sorry for myself,” she whispered. “And I don’t know how to stop.”

“Then feel sorry for yourself!” He cried, his hand on her knee. “Shit, with everything you’ve been through lately, I’d say you owe yourself some sympathy.”

“I don’t deserve you,” she whimpered after a moment. 

Scott touched her face gently, her eyes meeting his. 

“You’re right, you deserve more. You deserve someone who can do so much more than I’ll ever be able to do for you, but as of right now, I guess you’re stuck with me.” He offered her a crooked smile. “I’m sorry, that was meant to be a joke, but it came out as some kind of some kind of pity party, and I-” 

“I love you,” she said suddenly. He stopped speaking, his lips frozen in place. Tessa sat, watching him, her face burning pink, her heart racing. 

“I-what did you say?” 

“I said I love you,” she repeated herself, grasping his hand. “I love you so much. And I’m an idiot for not saying it sooner. For not realizing it sooner.”

He shook his head slowly, his lips still parted. 

“I love you, too,” he said softly. “And I think I have whiplash.”

She grinned at him, tears still streaking her face. She leaned in, catching his lips in a kiss. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult. And I can’t promise that I won’t be difficult again, but I wanted you to know that.” She hesitated, still watching him, “I think the next couple of months are going to be hard, but I think, if we work really hard, we can get through this. I’ll talk to someone about how I’m feeling, and I’ll follow that list the doctor gave us to a T. I’ll make up for what I’ve done, and haven’t done. I’ll start being what you deserve, not what I feel I deserve.”

A soft smile spread across his lips. 

“You don’t have to change a thing,” he whispered, his mouth close to hers. “Let me carry the slack for a few months. God knows you’ve done it for me for the past twenty-one years.”

She laughed softly, leaning her forehead against his. 

“We can do this,” he encouraged her softly, “For the two of us. Just like always, yeah?”

She looked at him, considering, her eyes narrowing a little. 

“No,” she said a moment later.

“No?”

“No,” she repeated, taking his hand and placing it on her belly, covering it with her own. “Not for the two of us.” She smiled, her eyes sad but full of hope for the first time in ten days. 

“For the three of us.”


	13. Chapter 13

Tessa’s thirtieth birthday came as she had expected it to, for the most part. There was no defining moment that suddenly told her she had entered the third decade of her life and her twenties were over. More than anything, it was the heaviness within her that marked the change, some of it related to the very physical heaviness of her ever-growing abdomen and the rest belonging to the darkness of the depression she’d suffered. 

Her bed rest had ended without another hiccup, and after she’d been able to get up and move around more often, some of the sadness within her had begun to lift. She recognized, however, that the thoughts that had trickled through her mind over the past month were not typical of her, and made a real plan to contact someone who could talk her through those darker moments, when even Scott’s genuine smile wasn’t enough to pull her from the brink of her depression.

Scott had instructed her to remain in bed this morning, but she couldn’t. Not any longer. The clock was already pushing 9:30 and she was desperate to be free of the confines that had held her captive for the past several weeks. Pulling her shirt down to cover the tight bulge of her belly, she slipped out of bed, padding out to the hallway in her bare feet. The scent of eggs led her to the kitchen, where she leaned against the doorframe, watching as Scott moved quickly around the room. He moved effortlessly and it made her ache with joy and sadness, longing for the flawless way they had once moved together. 

“Hey you,” she called for him softly and he turned, the smile on his face fading as he caught glimpse of her. 

“Tess,” he stated, “I told you to wait in bed!”

Tessa entered the kitchen, one hand protectively on her belly, the other on the small of her back. 

“I can’t wait in bed anymore, babe. I’m too restless.” She hovered behind him, her arms slipping around him and touching his chest gently. 

He glanced behind himself at her, and then turned to face her. 

“You’re right. Okay, come on.” He led her to a chair at the small table and pulled it out for her, gripping her hand as she lowered herself into it. “At least let me finish making you breakfast.”

Tessa smiled up at him as he returned to his work, dutifully dropping two slices of whole-grain bread into the toaster and using a spatula to shovel two poached eggs onto a glass plate. Once the toast had finished baking, he added it to the plate and carried it carefully to the table along with a glass of orange juice. 

“Here we go,” he grinned at her, slipping into the chair next to her, “Tessa’s thirtieth birthday breakfast.” He smiled at her, brushing her hair from her face and placing a kiss on her cheek. “Happy birthday, T.”

She grinned at him, reaching out to take his hand as he sat. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, stroking his hand. “This is really thoughtful…”

Scott sat smiling at her, watching as she grasped her fork and took a bite. 

“…and surprisingly delicious,” she finished, chewing and swallowing. 

Scott scoffed, feigning hurt. 

“Surprisingly? One of us better know how to cook or little baby Virtue-Moir will starve to death.”

Tessa laughed softly, biting into a piece of toast and chewing thoughtfully while watching Scott. 

“It still doesn’t really feel real, does it?” She asked, glancing down at her belly. “I mean, after everything, I know it is, but it’s still hard to believe.”

“Hard to believe that in two months we’ll be parents? Yeah, and it scares the shit out of me.” His hand came out to touch her belly gently. “But there’s no one I’ve ever wanted to do this with more than you.”

She smiled at him again, leaning in to catch his lips in a quick kiss. 

“So, do you have any other surprises in store for me today?” She wondered, sitting back in her chair, “or are you going to keep me guessing?”

“I have something planned for later,” he admitted, grinning at her. “But this is your day, so tell me what you want.”

Tessa sighed, tilting her head a little. Her body flushed suddenly, the rampant hormones of pregnancy suddenly wild within her. She shook her head a little but Scott caught her gaze, smirking. 

“What?” 

She met his gaze, sighing a little. His eyes met hers and he suddenly understood. He leaned in to kiss her gently, taking her fingers within his. Without speaking, he led and she followed until they were in the bedroom again. He was kissing her then, his hands running over her body and lowering her gently to the mattress before he was pushing up her shirt, placing small kisses on the roundness of her belly, his hands working in tandem. 

“We probably shouldn’t,” she cautioned him as his hands slipped lower, “I just don’t know, with the baby…”

But he was already shushing her, his lips moving past her stomach and down her thighs and Tessa laid back, closed her eyes, and let his mouth release the tension she’d been carrying without even realizing it. 

**

Scott had gone out for an hour while she’d napped, but he’d left strict instructions for her to be ready no later than 7 PM. She showered, taking time to enjoy the rich lather she’d created with the soap and warm water. She emerged from the shower and pulled her robe around her, taking time to brush and dry her hair and apply make-up. She still felt self-conscious, looking at her reflection with the extra weight she’d put on around her midsection, the dark circles that lined her green eyes, her hair that had begun to thin during pregnancy. She watched herself for a long moment, trying to understand what Scott still saw in her; she tried to see what he saw that had made him tell her she was beautiful over and over again this morning, his breath hot in her ear as she’d come down from her climax. 

She heard her bedroom door open as he came in, and she turned from her vanity to gaze at him. Upon seeing her, he stopped, a soft smile appearing on his lips. 

“You look gorgeous, T,” he admitted softly, moving toward her. “I mean that. You’re stunning.”

“Thank you,” the words quietly fell from her lips before she was standing now, straightening the black silk dress that hung around her knees. “So, are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

“No,” he answered, “and you’re not ruining this one like you did with breakfast this morning. Although I have to admit, seeing you stand in the doorway watching me like that was pretty fucking cute.”

“Scott,” his name escaped her as a plea, “you know I don’t like surprises.”

“You’ll like this one,” he promised, kissing her gently. “And you’re keeping your eyes closed on the way there, or I’ll blindfold you.”

She laughed, tossing her head back. 

“You better get all that kink out before this baby comes.”

“Why?” He teased, “The baby has to sleep at some point.”

Tessa scoffed before laughing again, reaching to smack him playfully before he twisted out of her reach. 

“I mean it! Once we get in the car, your eyes stay closed until I tell you, okay?”

She sighed, rolling her eyes dramatically at him, but allowed him to lead her to the car. As he put the car in reverse, he lifted his eyebrows at her, causing her to sigh loudly again, though her eyes slipped shut. 

Through the drive, he spoke softly to her, sometimes talking about their day and other times singing fractured lyrics of their skating programs to her. Tessa’s head felt heavy against the seat of the car and nearly faded off to sleep several times before the vehicle slowed to a stop. She listened as the car turned off and Scott said simply, “wait!” before slipping out of the vehicle and coming over to open her door. His hand slid into hers easily and he helped her find her footing to step out.

He held her hands, walking backwards as he guided her to an unknown destination. She heard a door open, took another step, and then froze. The familiar smell greeted her at once and, without thinking, her eyes flew open. 

They were standing in the arena’s entrance, and Tessa sucked her breath in quickly. Too suddenly, memories flooded her brain: that sudden pain, the gush of warmth, all that red. She glanced around quickly, her fingernails digging into Scott as he held her, her breath coming to her quickly.

“Scott?” She asked desperately, confused and hurt. Her mind couldn’t fathom why he’d bring her here knowing what he knew. Knowing that she’d nearly killed herself and their child in the washroom, what would have possessed him to expose her to this again?

“Tess…” his voice grounded her suddenly and she looked up at him, her green eyes questioning. He held her close, pressing her head against his chest and wrapping her in his arms. “I know. I need you to trust me, okay? Can you trust me?”

Of course she trusted him. She trusted him with every nerve in her body and every fiber of her being. There was nothing he could do to lose that trust, even bringing her into the lobby of the arena in which she’d nearly bled to death. 

“Yes,” she breathed, and she felt his grip on her tighten. 

“I know what happened here,” he explained gently, allowing her to grip him as they walked further into the building. “But I think it’s important that you recognize that it was an accident, Tess. You can’t be terrified to walk back into this building because of what happened.” 

Tessa didn’t respond as they approached the set of washrooms and she squeezed her eyes shut as he led her. 

“It was only a month ago…” she reasoned, and she felt his eyes on her. 

“I know,” he responded, his voice soft. They stopped walking and Tessa opened her eyes slowly, focusing on Scott’s eyes. “But think about how many times you’ve been here before that day. Think about all the good memories we have here, and all the good memories we’re going to make here.” He touched her face gently and she blinked, her eyes wet with tears. “This is where we’ll teach our children to skate.”

She sniffled, her eyes not leaving his. She smiled a little, focusing hard on his brown eyes and not the building around her. 

“Our children?” She asked. 

“Children,” he repeated softly, one hand lingering on her belly, “because once we see how perfect this one is, I have a feeling we’re going to want more.”

They stood for a moment, him holding her while she clung to him, focusing on her shallow breathing in an attempt to calm herself. 

“Are you okay?” He asked gently, and it took her a moment, but she nodded, looking up at him. 

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

“Okay,” he repeated, breathing slowly from his mouth in an attempt to encourage Tessa. “Now, look.”

He placed a hand at the small of her back, encouraging her to turn. She did, and her eyes fell upon the circle of glass that wrapped around the ice. In the gap between the low walls, a red carpet ran to the center of the ice where it met a small platform. On the platform sat a white table, two chairs, and two platters. A small serving tray on wheels sat next to the table. Candles peppered the table and the platform, and Tessa gasped softly, turning back to look at Scott. 

“What’s this?” She asked, a smile slowly replacing the anxiety she’d exhibited just a moment earlier. “What did you do?”

He grinned, reaching for her hand and walking her slowly down the rolled-out carpet, assisting her as she climbed the platform. He pulled her chair out for her and helped her sit, then took his own seat across from her. 

“I rented the place out,” he explained, “I had to sell one of my gold medals, but we might have enough left to buy some diapers. Not a lot, so we have to start potty-training as soon as-”

“Shhh,” she hushed him, smiling, placing her hand on top of his. “You don’t have to make a joke of everything.”

He smiled, dropping his head before looking back up at her. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Scott unfolded his napkin and placed it carefully on his lap. “So, what do you think?”

Tessa looked around, swallowing. For the first time, she noticed that candles were sprinkled around the whole of the area, bathing the dark rink in a heavenly glow. 

“I think you’re amazing,” she smiled, shrugging her shoulders, “and I don’t know what I did to deserve you. Thank you.”

He watched her for a moment before adjusting his position, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small black box. Tessa’s eyes watched his hands as he placed it on the table between them. 

“I thought…” he began, but his voice faded. Tessa’s eyes caught his, and he released the box gently. “I don’t want to rush you, Tess. I’d wait forever for you if you asked me to. I don’t mind, really.”

Tessa hesitated for a moment, her fingers finally reaching out and taking the small box. She opened it for a moment, studying the golden ring inside, her eyes tracing over the large diamond that reflected the light of the candles. 

“You don’t need to say anything,” he said after a moment, “I just want you to have it. I want you to know that I’m asking, and that when you’re ready to answer, I’m here. There’s never going to be a moment that’s perfect for asking, and it’s not possible to love you more than I do right now.”

“Scott…” her voice was quiet as she studied the ring for another moment before closing the box quietly. “Okay.” Her fingers closed around the box and she grasped it, bringing it to her heart and holding it there for a moment. “Thank you.”

He smiled softly at her, his eyes lingering on the box in her hand. She traced his gaze and opened her fingers a little before sitting the box back on the table. 

“One day,” she promised, smiling at him. “One day I’ll be ready, and you’ll be the first to know.”

“That’s all I ask,” he reached out for her hand. 

They ate between conversations about nothing and everything. They discussed the baby, their future, their pasts, and the current state of their life together. They sat until Tessa began to squirm in discomfort, eyeing the glasses of water she’d drank and moving to ease the pressure of her full bladder. Scott recognized her hesitance and led her to the washroom, holding her hand and speaking softly to her the whole way. He pushed the washroom door open for her and stood on guard, noticing the way Tessa’s eyes avoided a dark spot on the floor. 

When she exited the washroom, Scott was waiting for her. She glanced down, noticing that he had slipped into his skates when she’d been in the stall.

“What are you…” 

Her question faded in the air as he reached for her hand. She wrapped her slender fingers around his and he guided her back to the rink. She glanced up at him, green eyes full of questions as he stepped onto the ice. 

“Let me,” he said softly, and in a moment she was in his arms and they were gliding across the ice, his arms supporting her, holding her tightly but cautiously as they moved. Her legs curled around his waist, her arms encircling his shoulders as she pressed her forehead against him, laughing at the absurdity of it all. He whispered gentle lyrics into her ear, laughing softly as she clung to him. Their bodies moved so effortlessly together and Tessa suddenly felt like the past year had existed only in her imagination. For a moment, the roundness of her belly was no longer between them, she felt strong, confident, and like she could have done anything at that moment if only given the chance. 

She laughed again, and laughed until she began to sob. Scott slowed to a stop, placing her feet squarely on the platform on which they’d dined, taking her hands and kissing them before beginning to wipe the tears from her face. 

“It’s okay, baby, don’t cry,” he whispered, his voice soft and low. Tessa’s hands clutched his shoulders and she shook her head. 

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled, “I just can’t help it.”

Scott helped her into her seat and knelt before her, stroking her hair and kissing her face Her cheeks were warm and wet and his lips felt so cool against her skin. 

“Look at me,” he encouraged, and she lifted her watery eyes, blinking to avoid the sting of more tears. “There’s my girl. Look how beautiful you are.”

Tessa wanted to roll her eyes, pull away from him, resist his charms. She wanted to argue that she was anything but beautiful and that he was only saying so because she was pathetic and it would have been cruel for him not to say those things. But his eyes never left hers, and she recognized the sincerity within them. Her words were lost in the air between them, and he took her face between his hands.

“I love you, Tessa Jane.”

She blinked. He didn’t call her by her full name often, but the way he said it slipped from his tongue as if he’d dreamed of doing it a thousand times. 

“I love you,” she replied, swallowing the catch in her throat. “I love you so much.”

Later, when they were back at her house and in bed, Tessa curled on her side, Scott behind her with one hand on her belly. She blinked sleepily into the darkness, covering his hand with her own. She shifted against the pillow, one hand slipping beneath the cotton pillowcase. The tiny black box was right where she’d placed it beneath her head. Her fingers gripped the cool box, knuckles tightening around it. She wanted so badly to slip the golden ring onto her finger and admire it as it reflected the light around her. She wanted to wear it and think of Scott, and know that this was yet another piece of gold that tied them together so intricately that they’d never be able to separate themselves fully. 

Later, after she was sure he’d fallen asleep, she’d slink into the washroom and slide it onto her finger, nearly gasping at how perfect the fit was. She held her hand up, admiring the diamond and the golden band and wishing that she had the courage to wake him now, tell him she was ready to accept his proposal, and ask when they could set the date.

But she couldn’t. Not yet, anyway. Instead, the slipped the ring from her finger and back into the velvet box, placing it securely beneath her pillow when she slid back into bed. The time for that would come. They had the rest of their lives together, after all.


	14. Chapter 14

“Is this supposed to be this difficult?” Scott asked, scrolling through the page on the screen before looking to Tessa for backup. She smirked at him, placing a well-manicured hand on his back. 

“I don’t think it’s supposed to be easy,” she replied, “there’s just so many options. They’re just constantly updating all of these products and finding out new information and I don’t know what’s true and what’s just written to sell more.”

“Can we just…not do this right now?” Scott questioned, letting the tablet fall to the table and turning fully to wrap his arms around Tessa. His head nestled gently against her belly and he began murmuring soft words into the skin. She grinned, ruffling his hair with her fingers. 

“Not unless you want the baby to sleep in a drawer when we bring it home,” she teased. “We have exactly three weeks before I’m due. We don’t even have a crib, or a changing table, or a…” she tilted her head, touching the screen of the tablet to activate the page. “A…what the hell is that thing?”

Scott pulled away from her, tilting his head as well to look at the screen. 

“Okay, that’s it. I’m out. I’m not sucking snot out of our baby’s nose. I just can’t, Tess, I’m sorry.” He was up on his feet now, hands running through his hair. She smiled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him closer to her. His hands grasped her belly gently and she leaned up to kiss the tip of his nose. 

“It has a filter in it,” she giggled, glancing down at the screen again. “At least, I hope it does.”

He groaned, throwing his head back and chuckling. 

“This is crazy! Why are there ten thousand versions of the same thing? Why can’t we just buy a crib, and a high chair, and all that normal stuff that normal people buy for normal babies?”

Tessa looked at him, her mouth flattening into an unimpressed smirk. She pushed away from him and stalked to the counter, throwing open the lid of a small white box. 

“Oh, really, Scott? Just like normal people buy normal babies ice skates in size _newborn_?” 

He scoffed at her, coming over to admire the small white skates nestled in baby blue tissue paper. 

“Those are adorable! Come on! How was I supposed to _not_ buy them?” She stood watching him, shaking her head. Her hands pressed against the small of her back. She began to laugh then, her shoulders heaving as the sound moved through her, letting a long sigh escape as his arms encircled her once again. 

“You know the baby will love them,” he continued, brushing dark hair from her eyes. 

“Yeah, when it’s old enough to skate! In what universe do you intend to throw our child onto the ice before they’re even old enough to walk?”

“It’s never too young to start,” he laughed softly, kissing the top of her head. Tessa rolled her eyes at him playfully, settling against his chest. “And by the way, can’t we just ask the baby’s gender already? We only have a few weeks to go, and like you said, we don’t have a lot of stuff yet. We could start…nesting.”

“Nesting?” She raised an eyebrow at him, “Don’t tell me you’ve been reading the parenting magazines I’ve been getting in the mail. And besides, I thought we decided we wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Yeah,” he added after a moment, “I just don’t like calling our baby it. I feel like we should have a more affectionate nickname.”

“I thought you called the baby bean,” she mused, slipping out of his grasp and making her way to the sink. 

“Yeah well… bean’s cute, but it’s not exactly the size of a bean anymore. More like the size of a… very small dog.”

Tessa shot him a glance as she filled a glass of water. Her high ponytail brushed against her shoulder as she looked over her shoulder at him. 

“You’re not about to start calling our baby Chihuahua,” she narrowed her gaze at him.

He smiled, watching as she tilted her head back and swallowed the water greedily. 

“What do you want?” He asked, raising his eyebrows at her. 

“Scott…” she warned, lowering the glass to the counter with a clink. “I thought we weren’t doing this.”

“What? I just want to know what you’d like the baby to be.” His hands slipped around her, cradling her swollen belly. 

“I want the baby to be healthy,” she replied, her head resting back against his chest. 

“We both want the baby to be healthy,” he replied gently, his breath in her ear. “But talking about it isn’t going to curse our child. You’re allowed to have a preference.”

“I don’t, though,” she answered, swaying with him slowly as he held her, his hands splayed protectively on her belly. 

“Really? Because I know what I want,” he said, kissing the top of her head. She paused in movement and turned to look at him. 

“Well, what do you want?” She was suddenly curious, her eyebrows high on her forehead. He laughed loudly.

“I thought you didn’t want to say!” He teased her, “In fact, I specifically remember you saying you didn’t want to put any preconceived notions of gender in your brain while the baby is still in there.”

“Yeah, well,” she grinned, turning fully to face him. “Now you’ve piqued my interest.”

He studied her for a moment, her dark green eyes, petite nose, the perfect curl of her eyelashes. He let out a soft sigh. 

“Isn’t it obvious? All I want is a carbon copy of that beautiful little girl that walked into my life when I was nine years old.”

She tilted her head up to him and he smiled at her. 

“So, what you’re saying is you want me to give birth to a seven-year-old version of myself?” She laughed. 

He shook his head, leaning down to kiss her. 

“I just want a little girl who looks like her Mommy and has Daddy just as wrapped around her finger. And if I get that, I’ll have everything I’ll ever need.”

Tessa smirked at him, narrowing her eyes. 

“And what if it’s a boy?” 

“Well,” he leaned into her again, placing a few soft kisses on the delicate curve of her neck. “Then I guess we’ll have to keep trying, eh?”

She laughed again softly, turning into his kiss. 

When she pulled away, she was flushed and grinning. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathed against her skin, his hands still holding her close. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she looked up at him, “but we still have to pick out baby supplies. You’re not getting out of this that easily.”

He groaned and she began to laugh again, picking up the tablet from the kitchen table and climbing into his lap. Her finger scrolled the screen. 

“Oh! Okay, what about this one?” She turned the screen to him, indicating a sturdy white crib with rails that resembled a sleigh-bed frame. “This is nice.”

“Yeah, it looks great,” he mumbled, leaning in to nibble at the skin on her neck. She sighed, tilting her head back to look at him. 

“You’re not helping.”

“I don’t want to help,” he whispered against her skin, “I want to kiss you.”

“Scott…” she lowered the tablet, “we only have three weeks left before-” 

“Before the baby’s here,” he finished for her, “and before we can’t just make-out whenever we feel like it.” He pulled away for a moment, his cheeks flushed and eyes dark. “Come on, babe. We’ll find a crib we like and order it online. That’ll take like three days. Then, putting it together? That will take, what, an hour at most? And then we’ll be good to go.”

Against her better judgment, she let the tablet rest on the table and shifted against him, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

“I hope you know what you’re talking about,” she murmured before her lips met his. 

**

It turned out Scott did _not_ know what he was talking about, Tessa decided, as she stood in the nursery among the pieces of white wood spread over the hardwood floor. Scott laid sprawled on his back, his hands over his face. 

“There’s too many pieces,” he groaned, “what the hell? Is this some kind of endurance test for new parents?”

She laughed, stepping over his prone form on the floor and stooping to pick up the instructions. She tilted the pages before looking down at Scott. 

“Honey, these are the French instructions.”

“I was looking at the pictures,” he said after a moment, though Tessa wasn’t sure she believed him. She watched him for a moment before moving over to the rocking chair of the corner of the room, lowering herself into it. She rested her hands carefully on her belly and began to rock herself, watching Scott until he felt her eyes on him and sit up. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” she smiled at him, “I’m just waiting to see how long it takes before you realize that you need help.”

“I don’t need help,” he stated, “I’m just resting. And I-”

Tessa’s eyebrows furrowed quickly, her hand pressing against a sharp pain in her belly. 

“Tess?” He asked suddenly, watching her. She raised her eyes to meet his, confusion clouding her eyes. 

“Ow,” she hissed suddenly, and Scott was on his feet, moving toward her.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“It hurts,” she said simply, indicating her swollen belly. Scott stood before her, hands held before him. 

“You don’t think-”

“It’s not time,” she answered quickly, looking up at him desperately, “The doctor said July 27th.”

“Doctors are wrong all the time,” he shot back, his feet spread, hands outstretched. Tessa’s eyes glanced him over before she burst into a sudden raucous laughter, still clutching her belly. 

“Wha-” the question went unsaid on his lips and she reached out to him. 

“I’m sorry, you-what are you going to do, catch it like a football?” She broke into another fit of giggles as he stood staring at her, watching her go from hissing in pain to throwing her head back in laughter. 

“No, Tessa, come on! Focus, babe!”

“I’m sorry!” She squealed, sucking in a sharp breath before cackling aloud, wiping away the tears with one hand as the other held her swollen abdomen, “You just-”

She stopped suddenly, her gaze lowering. Scott watched as a steady stream of liquid suddenly appeared on Tessa’s pants, trailing to the floor and puddling around her bare feet. She raised her eyes at the same time as Scott, and suddenly he was rushing to her, slipping his arms around her and carefully hoisting her from the chair. He was speaking quickly, giving instructions, though whether to himself or her, Tessa wasn’t sure. 

He was already ushering her to the front door, speaking to her in reassuring tones that she was sure he probably thought was soothing. 

“Scott,” she said softly as he shuffled her toward the door. He didn’t hear her over his own muttering, speaking aloud to himself and repeating the phrases that they’d learned in the labor and delivery class they’d taken. His head was down and he was slipping his shoes on, repeating the words: _your body was built to do this, one breath at a time_ and she was struggling out of his hold, tapping his arm. “Scott?”

“Baby, we’re doing this,” he spoke softly, opening the door and beginning to usher her through the entrance. 

“Scott!” She yelled suddenly. He blinked, glancing up at her. 

“What?”

“I need my bag,” she gestured past him and into the bedroom, and then glanced down at her bare feet, which were now wet and sticky with the liquid that had begun to leak from the amniotic sac within her “And my shoes.”

“Oh.” He moved quickly, disappearing for a moment and then returning with a duffel bag in his left hand, right hand carrying a pair of house shoes she’d had for the better part of five years.

“Oh, Scott, not these,” she groaned, but he was already urging them onto her feet and pulling the door shut behind them. 

He helped her into the passenger seat and then climbed in the driver’s side. 

 

“You’ve got this, baby,” he spoke softly as he reversed the car in the driveway, his hand clutching hers as soon as he had shifted back into drive. She squeezed his hand and he turned to look at her. “You good?”

“I’m good,” she nodded, letting her lips form gentle O’s as she exhaled steadily.

“Just breathe through this,” he instructed calmly, his thumb brushing her knuckles. 

“I’m breathing,” she responded, hearing the sudden edge in her voice. 

“Just ride the waves,” he began speaking again, recalling the mantras they’d been practicing for months. “Feel the highs and the lows, and let yourself be at peace.”

“I’m at peace, Scott, just drive the fucking car,” she spit at him suddenly. He fell silent for a moment, but then cleared his throat and began again. 

“You can do this,” he encouraged her, “I’m right here with you, okay? What did that lady who taught the class say – the one that made you tear up?” He hesitated for a moment. “Oh, right. I remember. She said _you’re about to meet the love of your life_.”

Tessa glanced sideways at him, still clutching his hand before allowing herself to exhale slightly. 

“The second love of my life,” she managed to breathe, despite the fact that all she really wanted to do right now was twist his wrist until it shattered. “Though that’s debatable at this very moment.”

“Aww, Tess, that’s really sweet,” he returned a moment later, but her grip on his hand increased and he didn’t speak for a moment. 

There was silence between them for a long moment as he switched lanes, pressing the gas and releasing as they avoided traffic and navigated toward the hospital. 

“Scott?” She asked after a moment, the hint of sarcasm in her voice gone. 

“What, T?”

“Am I going to be okay?” Her voice suddenly wavered with emotion, causing him to glance at her as he shifted onto the long drive that led to the hospital. 

“Baby, you’re going to be more than okay. You’ve done things with your body that most of the world couldn’t even imagine. You’ve been through hell and back. You’ve got this, baby. I believe in you.” His words were soft and genuine, and her eyes pricked with tears at the sincerity in his voice. 

“What if I don’t believe in myself?” She asked then, her voice so quiet that she wondered if he’d even heard. But he was pulling into the vacant drive in front of the emergency room and put the car in park, looking up at her. 

“Tessa, there’s never been anyone who’s more prepared for this than you are. The little things, like the changing table and all that, none of that stuff matters. What matters is you and the baby, and you know what to do. You just have to let your body do it.” 

“Okay,” she breathed after a moment, catching his eyes. “Okay, I’m ready. I’m scared to death, but I’m ready.”

“That’s my girl,” he smiled at her, catching her lips in a quick kiss. Their eyes connected for a long moment, and even with the car idling beneath them and the pressure building within Tessa’s abdomen, he took a moment to brush her hair from her face. “You’re about to be a mom, T.”

She grinned at him breathlessly, her dark eyes reflecting the joy and disbelief that he’d seen in her eyes last February, the night they’d stared at each other in shock after skating at the Olympics. 

“You’re about to be a dad,” she echoed softly. They sat for a moment with the words hanging between them before Scott was out of the car, opening her door and guiding her feet to the ground. He couldn’t resist stealing one more kiss from her before ushering her into the sliding double doors.

“Okay, Tess. Let’s go become Mommy and Daddy.”


	15. Chapter 15

Tessa was in a hospital gown, her knees bent. Her hair stuck to her scalp and her forehead and she was panting, but the last reading from the doctor had measured her at six centimeters dilated and she knew that, despite the contracting within her abdomen, she couldn’t begin pushing until ten centimeters. Scott stood by her side, clutching her sweaty palm and brushing dark hair from her face. 

“How much longer is this going to take?” She asked, glancing at the nurse who was currently checking her vitals. The nurse smiled gently at her. 

“There’s really no way to say, but you’re doing all the right things. Do you want to take another walk around the floor?”

Tessa nodded and the nurse began to lower the bedrail, helping Tessa ease toward the edge of the mattress. Scott came around and assisted her in bringing her feet to the floor. She slipped her feet into the old slippers that she now secretly praised Scott for grabbing. She couldn’t imagine tying up gym shoes and honestly wasn’t sure if she’d have been able to if she wanted to. 

Scott supported her weight as they shuffled out of the hospital room and into the dim hallway. The clock read 1:14 AM and Tessa yawned. Scott glanced over at her, offering her a sympathetic smile. 

“You’re doing a great job, T,” he encouraged her, “I know it’s tiring.”

“I’m just ready,” she sighed softly, “Well, I don’t know if I’m ready, but I just want something to happen already. We’ve been here for five hours.”

“I know,” he replied softly as they made their way to a glass atrium at the end of the hallway. “But the nurse said once you’re dilated, the actual process of labor usually doesn’t last too long.”

“Yeah,” she responded, her eyes watching the lights outside as they approached the glass walls of the corner. One hand slid from Scott’s grasp and down to her belly, rubbing encouragingly. “Come on, little one. Mommy and Daddy are so ready to meet you.”

Scott smiled, watching the soft expression on her face as she spoke to their child. He covered her hand with his, pulling her gently into his embrace and nuzzling into the soft curve of her neck and shoulder. 

“I can’t wait to watch you be a mom,” his voice was soft in her ear and it made her flesh prickle with goosebumps. 

“Do you think I’ll be good at it?” She asked, looking back at him. He tilted his head, smiling at her gently. 

“You’re going to be _the best_ at it,” he replied. “They’re going to start giving out gold medals for motherhood just so you can have one.”

She laughed gently against him.

“Maybe I just need to try and relax,” she surmised, looking down at her belly as she rubbed it. “I’m so anxious for this whole thing to start, and then scared to death of what might happen when it does.”

Scott nodded, watching her. 

“Can I help?” He asked, and she tilted her head at him. 

“I just want you to tell me everything’s going to be okay,” she murmured, her voice low. “I’m terrified that something’s going to go wrong and we’ll lose everything.” Her voice broke at the end of the sentence. “I wouldn’t be able to go on.”

“Shh,” he hushed, pulling her into a warm hug as he began to lead her down the hallway again. “Just relax. I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen, okay?”

She nodded against him as he began to speak. 

“You’re going to give birth to our baby; our beautiful baby. And whether it’s a boy, or it’s a girl, it’s going to be the most perfect baby we’ve ever seen. You won’t believe how much you love it from the moment you see it.”

She watched him, her dark eyelashes fluttering as tears stung her eyes. 

“I believe it,” she whispered. He glanced at her, placing a soft kiss on her temple. 

“When we get home,” he continued, “we’re going to watch our baby grow. And we’re going to get to do all those things that we’ve talked about. Those things that both of us dreamed about, but weren’t sure they would ever come to reality.”

Tessa blinked, her eyes suddenly full of worry and mouth turned into a slight frown. 

“Scott, what if-” she hesitated for a moment, her eyes on him as she chose her words. “What if the depression doesn’t go away? What if it gets worse? I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be the woman who doesn’t want to hold her baby, or can’t stand the sound of its cries.”

“Tess,” he soothed her, turning so that he could gaze into her eyes. “Look at me.”

Her dark green eyes raised to his, his hands carefully cupping her face. 

“Do you think there’s anything in the world that would keep me from getting you all of the help you needed?”

“No,” she answered after a moment, shaking her head. “No, I don’t.”

“Then take a deep breath, babe. Because no matter what happens, we’re in this together. No matter what happens, I love you. And no matter what happens, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” He kept his gaze on her. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and this baby is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to us.”

As they spoke, they rounded back to Tessa’s room. He assisted her back into bed and together, they continued the long process of waiting. 

And waiting. 

_Seven._

_Eight._

_Nine._

_Ten._

And then it was time to begin. 

 

Tessa was familiar with pain. She had spent twenty-two years in ice skates, after all, and the pressure of being on her feet day after day, year after year, had eventually numbed her to the inconvenience of discomfort. She’d had two major surgeries on her legs, both of them enough to warrant her needing to learn a new way of walking, skating, standing. Even through those times, though, she’d barely used any of the prescribed narcotics that the doctors had prescribed her. She had never wanted to lose herself to the idea that pain could be disguised rather than alleviated. 

To her surprise, however, she was quick to insist upon an epidural, tracking the level of pain she felt, and letting the doctors know when the shot wore off and another would be necessary. It was a different type of pain than she’d anticipated, and rather than feeling the sharp, stinging pains of labor, she felt a deep pressure within her abdomen, traveling down into her thighs and lower back.

Scott was beside her, holding one of the knees that was bent, his other hand clutching Tessa’s. Her right hand was wrapped around the bed railing, knuckles white with the effort of her grasp. There were several people at the base of the bed, coaching her, giving her instructions, offering words of support and comfort. The only voice she heard, though, over the beating of her own heart, was Scott’s. 

He wasn’t speaking loudly. His mouth was close to her ear and, if she’d had to label it, whispering would have been the only word to describe it. But he was speaking. He was telling her things no one in the world would have known. No one but Scott. 

He was describing their life together, it took her a moment to realize at first, but that’s what it was. Starting from the time they were young children, talking through their teenage years and young adulthood. Describing to her, in detail, the way he had admired her for so long. Repeating details that she’d thought had been long forgotten; things she’d thought he’d never even known. 

But he had noticed. All the longing glances and too-long touches. The way she giggled when he told a joke that didn’t even make sense. All leading up to this moment, the moment they currently found themselves in, with Tessa birthing their child. 

“I love you,” he finally whispered to her, his breath hot against her ear. Her hair was dump and stuck to her scalp in patches, skin flushed and sweaty, but she braced herself against his touch, whispering a quick, “I love you more” before pushing. The moment seemed to last longer than it was. There was a heavy silence in the room as she spent all of her energy to push their child from the birth canal. She gasped for breath quickly, panting desperately and then sucking in her breath as the initial cry of their child reverberated in the air. 

Scott and Tessa watched as the doctor suddenly lifted the pink, squirming mess into the air. The umbilical cord hung, still connecting the infant to Tessa. Tessa lifted her head, saw the tiny creature, and let out a strangled half-cry half-laugh that Scott had only heard from her twice in the past twenty-one years. The sound of it sent him into his own tears and Tessa didn’t need to look at him to know what he was feeling. In that moment, she couldn’t have looked at him if she had tried. She couldn’t take her eyes off the pink, trembling infant that was currently in the hands of a stranger, and she needed to have her baby against her _now_. She couldn’t wait another moment.

“It’s a girl,” the doctor announced, presenting the tiny infant to her parents as if she were a fine bottle of wine. “Congratulations!”

Tessa gasped, reaching for their child without fully being aware of doing so. 

“Dad, do you want to cut the cord?” The doctor offered and Scott’s dark eyes grew wide, glancing at Tessa before looking back to their child. 

“I…what if I…” his voice trembled and Tessa grasped for his hand again, encouraging him toward the doctor. 

“Yes,” she whispered, her voice hoarse, “yes, he wants to.”

She watched as a nurse handed Scott a pair of medical scissors, instructing him as he closed the sterile blades onto the rope that had served as their child’s lifeline for the past nine months. He jerked his hand away from the cord as the child inhaled another lungful of air and screamed. 

“It wasn’t you,” she reassured him, “oh my God. Our baby. Our little girl.” Tessa laughed again, tears still slipping down her cheeks. She reached again, and was finally rewarded with the small body of her daughter, still covered in blood and mucous. She was yanking down the hospital gown and cradling the baby to her chest, disbelief in her eyes as she finally, _finally_ was able to hold her child against her bare skin. The feel of the infant’s hot skin against her own made her cry harder, but she had both hands on her child and no way to wipe away the tears that fell. 

Scott stepped in, using a tissue to dry her tears as she gazed at their baby, clutching her against her chest and cherishing the skin-to-skin contact that she was able to feel at long last. 

Tessa couldn’t breathe as she took in the sight of their daughter. She had quieted, but continued to whimper softly, her eyes closed and mouth moving in quiet protest of her harsh introduction to her new world. Both of them knew that her features were distorted from the birthing process and that her nose would eventually regain its shape, but her lips were perfect; a simple pink pout that left both of them emotional messes. 

“She’s so beautiful,” Scott whispered, more to himself than to anyone else, but all Tessa could do was nod. She couldn’t find words to express the rush of emotion within her, and if she’d been asked to say something about this moment as she had with the two previously most important moments of her life, she wouldn’t have been able to do anything but cry. 

She expected to have questions, she realized. She expected to ask the nurses what she was supposed to do now, as they wiped the baby down with warm, clean towels and handed her back to Tessa, but she surprised herself by instinctually knowing what her child needed. Her hands trembled, but Scott recognized the hesitance and helped to support the baby’s head as Tessa adjusted her, guiding her breast towards their daughter. She helped her daughter’s tiny lips find her nipple and moved effortlessly as she encouraged the baby to latch. Without a moment’s hesitation, the baby recognized her mother’s breast and began to suckle. 

The foreign feeling of her child’s mouth against her led to Tessa crying again, tears of emotions that she couldn’t even identify streaming down her cheeks. She dared to remove her eyes from the child long enough to glance up at Scott, who watched the scene before him with a look of amazement that she’d never seen from him. Their eyes met and he leaned down, catching her lips in a quick but meaningful kiss. 

“I love you so much,” he whispered, his eyes already returning to the child in her arms. “Tess, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” she whimpered, using one hand to stroke the dark hair that coated the baby’s soft scalp. “And I love her.”

“We have a daughter,” he breathed, and she recognized the shock in his voice. 

“We have a daughter,” she echoed, “and you were right.”

“About what?” He asked softly, one finger daring to stroke the infant’s cheek as she nursed. 

“I can’t believe how much I love her.”

Scott grinned, brushing a kiss over Tessa’s sweaty temple before his fingers moved carefully to examine the baby’s arms and legs. He made a quick count of her fingers and toes, curling the impossibly tiny fingers around one of his own. 

“She’s perfect,” he mused, admiring the way Tessa cradled her so effortlessly in her embrace. “She’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever seen.”

Tessa made a small sound of confirmation, watching the baby for an extended moment before looking up at Scott. 

“So…” she finally spoke after a moment, grinning tiredly at him. “Were you serious about the whole Tallulah thing?” 

“Ah…” he exhaled, his eyes darting between Tessa and the baby. “I don’t know, Tess. I mean… does she really look like a Tallulah?” 

Tessa studied the child again, and finally shook her head. 

“No, I guess not.” 

“Oh thank God,” he sighed, and Tessa began to laugh. He watched her for a moment and then began to laugh as well. Together, they laughed until they both began to cry.


	16. Chapter 16

_Eleanor Tallulah Virtue-Moir_ was the name that would be sprawled on her official birth certificate, but Tessa and Scott had already begun with the nickname that would stick with her for the rest of her life: Ellie. Tessa had wanted to honor her late grandmother and Scott was desperate to distract her from using Tallulah as the baby’s first name. He managed to, but not enough to avoid using it completely. Eleanor was a big name for a little baby, but they had decided that Ellie fit her perfectly and had agreed on the name without much of a discussion. It just seemed to suit her. 

Both of their families had been in and out of the hospital within the past eighteen hours, fawning over the baby and passing her around like a game of hot potato. Tessa had answered their questions about the birth, murmuring her thanks as they brought in flowers, balloons, even chocolate, but her eyes never left her daughter. Even as exhaustion settled within her, breasts aching from the sudden weight of lactation, and Scott yawned in the easy-chair next to her, her hands itched to hold her child. She wasn’t interested in sleep or, for once in her life, the Lindt chocolate treats that sat at her bedside. The ache within her could be satisfied by nothing less than the weight of her child in her arms. 

Slowly, as the hours passed, their families trickled out of the room. Her and Scott’s moms were the last to go, gushing over Ellie and promising her anything she wanted when she came to visit their homes, already warning her parents that they couldn’t be held responsible for the spoiling that would inevitably happen. Tessa reached for the baby as they left the room and her mother placed the infant within her mother’s arms. The ache within Tessa quieted, and she sat back against the pillow of the bed. 

“There you are,” she spoke gently to the baby, who now watched her with gray-blue eyes that would inevitably darken into a shade of hazel or green that matched her parents’. “Mommy has missed you so much!”

Scott smiled at her from his seat next to her. 

“You’ve been watching her like a hawk all day. What do you think our parents are going to do to her?”

“Nothing,” she replied quietly, her eyes still locked on her daughter’s. “My arms just felt empty all day.”

“Yeah, well,” he said softly, standing to peer at the baby in her arms. “You’ll want that when you’re up every two hours during the night to feed her.”

The soft smile locked on her face, Tessa shook her head. 

“Don’t listen to Daddy,” she spoke quietly to her daughter, “that’s girl bonding time, huh?”

Ellie blinked, her wide eyes still watching her mother. Her toothless mouth opened, lips seeming to mimic Tessa’s own as she spoke. 

“I still can’t believe it,” Tessa spoke, glancing up at Scott long enough for him to realize that her words were meant for him. “I can’t believe we did this.”

“You did this,” he said after a moment, brushing a kiss against her forehead. “All I did was hold your hand through it.”

“I couldn’t have done this without you,” her green eyes met his, so full of light and happiness. 

“Well, obviously,” he teased, and she laughed aloud, causing the baby to jerk reflexively in her arms. 

“Oh no,” Tessa cooed softly, gently bouncing the baby in her hold. “Mommy didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry, sweet girl.”

Ellie settled quickly and continued to gaze at her mother with wide blue eyes. She suddenly felt Scott beside her, heard the quiet intake of breath that came before his question. 

“Can I hold her?”

Tessa looked up to him, suddenly feeling the guilt wash over her. Of course he wanted to hold her. She was his daughter, too, and he had barely had a moment with her since her birth less than a day ago. Between all the visitors they’d had today and Tessa claiming her every chance she had, he really hadn’t had much time with his daughter. Tessa nodded, allowing him to slip his arms beneath hers as she transferred their daughter to him. 

He took her into his arms silently, a breathless but hesitant grin on his lips. He stood unsurely next to Tessa, one hand awkwardly cupping her delicate head while the other supported her tiny body. Ellie’s arms flailed to the side, grabbing for invisible supports reflexively. 

“It’s okay, you’re not going to drop her,” Tessa assured him, and slowly his arms made a cradle, supporting the baby’s weight and allowing her to settle into his embrace. “There you go.”

Scott glanced down at her.

“You’re already so good with her,” he admitted, his voice quiet. “I feel like she’ll break if I even look at her wrong.”

Tessa smiled, reaching out to put a hand on his bicep. 

“Baby, she’s your daughter. Just trust yourself.” She paused, watching him stand still with the infant in his arms, hesitant and moving slowly. 

“What if I-” 

“You won’t,” she assured him, her hand still clutching his arm. “I was there all nine months when she was inside me. I saw the way you spoke to her, the way you touched my belly. You know what to do, Scott.”

He looked down at her, nodding, before returning his eyes to the baby in his arms. 

“How’s my girl?” he spoke softly, his tone full of the love and compassion that Tessa had come to know so well over the past twenty-one years. “Is there anything Daddy can do for you? I can’t feed you, but I can change you, or burp you, or…” his voice faded for a moment before he raised his eyes to Tessa. “Well, she’s already embarrassed to be associated with me. She’s asleep.”

Tessa laughed, covering her mouth with one hand so as not to disturb the baby again. She adjusted herself against her pillow and reached for his hand. He squeezed her fingers and they stayed that way for a moment, admiring each other before Tessa yawned. 

“And that means it’s time for Mommy’s nap,” he instructed her, settling into the chair next to her bed again. “She’ll want to eat again soon anyway, Tess, you should rest while you can.”

Tessa laid back against the pillow, a protest on her lips but she was already blinking sleepily and Scott was speaking to her in such soft, soothing words that she didn’t have a chance to fight the sleep before it overtook her. 

When she woke some time later, it wasn’t to the sound of hungry wails. It may have been the distant sound of clatter in the hallway as nurses did their rounds, or the soft tinkle of a lullaby from somewhere outside the room. She blinked sleepily, turning her head and noticing Scott still in the chair beside her, now with the baby lowered into his lap, hands still lovingly supporting her head. 

Her eyes were open, Tessa realized, and she almost instinctively called out to Scott and reached to take her, but froze. She kept her head against the pillow, wanting to observe this moment between father and daughter. Scott had slipped a pacifier into Ellie’s mouth and she blinked up at him, her mouth moving quickly as she watched him. He was speaking softly, and she had to strain to hear.

“…and you are so lucky to have Tessa as your Mommy. I know you don’t realize it yet, but she is the most amazing person you’ll ever know. Well, maybe you do know. She is your mom. You were inside her for the past nine months. You probably know more about her than I ever will.” He paused, and then sighed softly. “We wanted you for so long, Ellie. I probably wanted you for even longer than your Mommy did, but don’t tell her I said that. She just didn’t realize it yet.”

A small smirk turned the corners of her lips, but she closed her eyes, sighing heavily to mimic sleep. Scott paused for a moment and she held her breath, wanting him to continue. He needed this moment. He needed this time for just the two of them to build his confidence, to allow him to understand that he was beyond capable and prepared for the daunting task of fatherhood. 

“And I’m going to tell you something, but only because you won’t remember and hold it against me. But, baby, I need to tell you about soulmates. You’re way too young and you won’t even be dating until you’re older than your mommy is right now, but you have to know that they exist and that your mommy is mine. And you need to know that, at some point in your life, you’re going to find yours. I won’t like it, and Mommy will tell me to get over myself, but I need you to know this: don’t let them go. Whether you’re thirty or nine, like I was, you have to hold onto it, okay? Because if you don’t hold onto it, you could lose them.”

He was quiet for a long moment and Tessa wondered if he’d drifted to sleep. She opened one eye carefully, but he was blinking down at Ellie now, his eyes lined with red. 

“There was a long time where I wasn’t very nice to your mom. I let my anger get the best of me, and I did and said things that weren’t right. And no matter what I do, for the rest of my life, I won’t be able to make up for that. But what’s important, Ellie, is making sure that the people you love _know_ that you love them. And as you get older, I hope you only see me as the Daddy who loves you and Mommy so much that it hurts to even think about it for too long. But I also hope you understand that people make mistakes, and it’s okay to forgive them, but you don’t have to forget. And I know Mommy hasn’t forgotten about some of the things I’ve said to her in the past, but I hope she’s forgiven me. And I hope that she understands how much I love her, and…” he sighed, pausing. “I’m rambling, eh?”

A soft grunt echoed from the baby, and she nearly opened her eyes with the desire to see this sudden conversation between the two people she loved the most in the world. Tears stung her eyes, though, and she knew that if she opened her eyes now, they would slip down her cheeks and the moment would be lost. 

“You’re a really good listener,” he told the baby then. “I hope I can be as good as a listener as you are. I promise I’ll try, okay? If you need to talk, you just say the words and I’ll drop everything to talk to you. Or to listen. Or to not listen, if that’s what you need.”

He cleared his throat softly and Tessa peered at them from beneath heavy eyelids. The baby was still awake, still watching her father, still suckling. One of her hands seemed to reach for him, tiny fingers splayed with the effort of stretching her new limbs. She watched as Scott caught the tiny hand, slipping one of his fingers into her tight grasp. Once again, her tiny mouth opened, tongue lolling as she yawned and stretched and appeared to try to speak. 

“Anyway,” Scott spoke again now, his voice slower, more even. “I’m going to try to be the best Dad you could ever have. And you’ve got a really great mom, so even when I mess up, she’ll have my back. She always has my back. And she’ll have yours too.”

Tessa let her eyes close again, unable to fight the smile that slipped across her lips now. Her heart ached for them and she wanted nothing more than to take both of them into her arms, kiss them, and never lose this moment. But she was so tired, and Scott was right, the baby would need to eat soon, and she just needed a few more minutes of rest before she could become a fully productive mother. 

She was already slipping back into sleep when she heard Scott’s voice once more. 

“We are so lucky to have you, little girl. I can’t believe you’re ours. You’re going to have such a wonderful life.”

Even in the space between wakefulness and sleep, Tessa nodded against her pillow. 

“All three of us are,” Tessa added sleepily before she was swept away into dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... here's the thing. I never intended to go far beyond the baby being born. In fact, the next chapter is supposed to be the last. However, I've kind of fallen in love with writing this universe so now I'm torn. I have two options, and I guess I'll let you guys decide. My first option is to create a new series of one-shots revolving around the Tessa, Scott, and baby in this story. The other option is continuing this story, though I don't know for how long or where it would go. I will still be writing lots of Tessa/Scott of all varieties, so you haven't heard the last from me. Let me know what you think!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the time has come. I considered continuing this story, but decided that this would be the perfect ending. I will write more of this universe, though I'm not sure in what form. Maybe a sequel, maybe that series of one-shots. You guys will be the first to know. Thank you so much for your support. It means the world to me. Please enjoy the final chapter of Heartbeat.

The house was a mess. There was laundry beginning to pile up beside the washing machine; bowls sat discarded, emptied of their food and clean but content to rest in the sink rather than make their final journey to the dishwasher. Between the many nighttime feedings, desperate naps, and showers that somehow (sometimes) worked their way into their schedules, there wasn’t much time. Tessa had spent her life fastidiously ensuring that her home was spotless, making time to vacuum and straighten beds that hadn’t been slept in and washing clothing she hadn’t worn in months. But now, things were different. Not only was she tired, exhausted in fact, but there were far more important things to do. 

The most important thing was on the floor now, a soft pink blanket beneath her. She was on her belly, tiny arms propped beneath her, her head and neck raised as she looked around the room curiously. Tessa was in front of her, on her stomach as well, face close to her daughter’s. Ellie made eye contact with her mother, breaking into a toothless grin so wide that her head wobbled unsteadily. 

“She’s doing so great with tummy time,” Scott observed as he entered the room, placing a cup of hot coffee on the table next to Tessa. “I can’t believe she’s already supporting herself so well. She’s barely three months old!”

“Our little girl is special,” Tessa grinned, her eyes never leaving her daughter. “She’s so determined.”

“She is,” he agreed, sinking to the floor beside them. “Just like her Mommy.” Ellie’s head moved towards her father, another grin splitting her lips. Tessa heard Scott chuckle softly and she clapped her hands together softly in front of the baby’s face. 

“What are you doing, sweet girl?” She asked, “Are you looking at Daddy? Isn’t he handsome?”

As if in agreement, Ellie’s head bobbed before lowering slowly to the ground, resting on the blanket beneath her. Tessa leaned forward, slipping her hands beneath the infant and picking her up. She pushed herself into a sitting position, knees bent and feet beneath her. She lifted her daughter into a standing position, propping her tiny feet on her legs and giggling as Ellie cooed. Her tiny fingers moved in front of her, hands clutching each other as she babbled, tiny spit bubbles forming at the corner of her lips. 

Scott moved closer then, his fingers reaching out to tickle the baby’s belly as he called for her in a high-pitched voice. Ellie laughed then, a belly laugh that left both Scott and Tessa grinning. 

“I can’t believe how much she looks like you,” Scott spoke softly, one of his hands stroking the baby’s soft head. Tessa studied her daughter, tilting her head to admire Ellie’s dark hair, the soft curve of her lips, and the speckles of green within her eyes. 

“I don’t know,” Tessa spoke, turning the baby to admire her tiny face. “Really? I see so much of you in her.” 

“Well, that’s the thing,” he stated, his voice soft and low, brushing Tessa’s hair behind her ear and scooting closer to her. “She’s the perfect mix of both of us.”

“Yeah,” Tessa admitted, turning her head to smile at him, placing a soft kiss on his lips. “You’re right. She’s perfect.” 

Ellie let out a soft squeal and they laughed, Tessa bouncing her gently in her lap. Ellie’s eyes watched her mother, and Tessa looked back, keeping their gaze locked. Since she’d been born, she had mastered the act of looking so deeply into her parents’ eyes that they felt she could see into their souls. Her eyes were bright and unwavering and calm. It was easy to get lost in the baby’s gaze. 

She was an easy baby, they both agreed. She cried only when hungry, or wet. She was content to be held, but also enjoyed having time to stretch on the floor. She ate well, slept well, and would listen happily when spoken to. It felt unreal, being blessed with a healthy, beautiful child who just seemed content.

Since giving birth, the depression had gotten better. She still spoke to someone twice a month, but the sadness wasn’t enough to detract from the happiness of being a mother. The doubt rarely lurked in the back of her head, but there were moments when she wasn’t sure she could be all Ellie deserved. The little girl was so sweet, so precious and life-affirming that Tessa sometimes felt guilt at the idea that she’d never be so pure and well-intentioned as their child. 

“Are you ready, babe?” Scott was asking suddenly, pulling Tessa from her thoughts. She looked up at him as he stood, taking Ellie into his arms. She smiled at him, nodded, and then got to her feet. She watched as he took their child, speaking to her happily as he moved through the home, making a stop in her room to change her diaper before slipping a tiny sweater onto her small frame. 

Tessa was moving then, grabbing her supplies and slipping into her shoes before pulling her dark hair into a high ponytail. She met Scott at the back door, Ellie in his arms. Tessa smiled brightly at the child, who broke into a grin before hiding her face in Scott’s shoulder. 

“Are we good?” He wondered, and Tessa nodded. She led them as they moved to the car, pulling the car door open and watching as Scott buckled the child snugly into her car seat. Tessa climbed in beside her, pulling the door shut as Scott settled in the driver’s seat. 

As they drove through the quiet streets, Tessa smiled at Scott through the rearview mirror. She reached a hand up to him, and he grasped it, kissing her knuckles lightly before returning his hands to the steering wheel. She knew that soon enough, she would return to riding in the front of the car, but right now, with Ellie nestled safely in the back, she was all too happy to scoot in next to her daughter. The idea of being separated from her for more than a few moments seemed almost too much to endure. Instead, she spoke gently to Scott and the baby throughout the car ride, watching Ellie grasp her finger and pull it to her mouth. Tessa allowed the baby to gum her finger, the hard ridges of teeth already becoming noticeable under the soft pink gums. 

The car came to a slow stop and Tessa peered out the window, the arena coming into view as Scott pulled into a parking space. Tessa grinned down at her daughter, who still watched her wordlessly. 

“Okay, Ellie, this is it. This is your first visit to the ice rink! What do you think?” 

Ellie watched Tessa for another moment before yawning, her tiny nose scrunching, eyes closing. Tessa laughed and Scott peered back at them. 

“I can feel her excitement from here.” 

Tessa laughed again and slipped from the car, unbuckling the infant and curling her into her arms, grabbing her bag from the back of the car and hurrying through the double doors. 

It was quiet and cool inside, and Tessa was glad that Scott had thought to put the sweater on Ellie. She walked past the half-walls surrounding the ice, grasping her gently in her arms as they moved to settle on a bench. Ellie glanced around her, but soon tired of her new surroundings and began to blink sleepily.   
Scott moved onto the bench beside them and took Ellie from Tessa’s arms. Tessa watched her longingly for a moment before reaching into the black duffel bag she’d brought, pulling out a pair of crisp white skates. 

They had been a present from Scott. The day Ellie had turned a month old, he’d surprised Tessa with a large white box and she’d opened it hesitantly, unsure of what to expect. Nestled inside layers of white, glittery tissue paper had been a simple note. She’d unfolded the paper, which had simply read: _Because it’s time to start anew, and you’re hard to shop for._ She had looked toward him in confusion, and he had handed her confirmation of the purchase. 

“You needed a new pair,” he had explained, “but I know how picky you are. They’re being tailored to fit you. We can pick them up today.”

When they’d gotten to the shop and Tessa had slipped her foot into the right skate, she’d been unable to hold in the tears that began to fall. She couldn’t help it; she’d spent the past few months thinking only of that white skate covered in red, the one that had nearly taken her and Ellie’s lives. She’d spent too long worrying that one day she’d have to put that skate back on. She was terrified that even if she was able to get it cleaned, the stain would remain, even if only in her mind. She had tried to prepare herself for the constant reminder of the pain and depression that had followed seeing that skate beneath her on the ground, and when Scott had presented her with such a meaningful gift, it had been impossible to not show vulnerability.

Now, as she tied them tightly around her feet, she caught his gaze again. 

“Thank you,” she said once again, though she’d shown her gratitude over and over since she’d brought them home. Each time she had slipped them on since Ellie had been born, she’d been overcome with a sense of love and gratitude that she would never be able to express in words. 

Scott simply smiled at her, kissing her on the cheek before she stood. 

They’d taken turns coming to the rink before this, one of them staying home with Ellie while the other made the trip to the arena. Tessa loved being on the ice again but hated being away from her daughter, and both she and Scott found that their trips to the rink became fewer and farther between as Ellie stayed awake for longer periods of time. All too often, Tessa had checked her cell phone after stepping off the ice to see a photo of Ellie’s tiny face, and the idea that she was spending time away from her daughter began to discourage her from making the trip at all. 

They’d discussed the right time to bring her to the arena, and both of them had felt that three months felt right. Secretly, Tessa had been anxiously awaiting this day, knowing that all she had to do was raise her eyes from the ice to see Scott holding their baby. She would no longer have to pump milk for Scott to keep at home for feedings, and the deep sadness she felt at not being near her child wouldn’t be a distraction. 

She stepped onto the ice, turning to watch Scott and Ellie as she glided. Ellie was asleep now, but Scott held up one of her tiny hands, waving to Tessa and causing her to laugh as she picked up speed. Prior to having Ellie, Tessa used the ice as a way to escape from her mind. She would close her eyes, let herself focus on nothing but the feeling of the cold breeze against her skin, hair fluttering as she moved. Now, there was nothing she wanted to escape from. She wanted to watch Scott and their baby, wanted to be there for every moment, waking and sleeping. 

She lost track of the amount of time she circled the ice, practicing old tricks, stretching her legs, just breathing in the intoxication of the sport. It had been long enough, she decided, and glided over to Scott, who stood watching her from the other side of the short wall. 

“Your turn,” she smiled at him, stepping onto the protective mat and taking her blade guards from him, slipping them onto her skates before taking the sleeping baby from his arms. He allowed her to hold Ellie, and she propped the baby against her chest, her chubby cheek pressed against Tessa’s shoulder. 

“You sure?” He asked, raising his hands in question. She nodded and made her way over to the bench where he sat tying on his skates. Tessa clutched Ellie to her chest, watching as Scott stood. She smiled at him and stood to kiss him, but his hand touched her arm gently and she tilted her head at him. 

“Wait,” he instructed her, moving to his duffel and bending to pull a black material from his bag. She watched with questioning eyes as he struggled with it for a moment before presenting it to her. “I think you should use this with her.”

“What is it?” She asked before her eyes made sense of the object he held in his hands. “The baby wrap? Scott, I don’t know…”

He sat next to her then, scooting close to her on the bench. 

“It’s safe,” he encouraged her gently, knowing her unasked question. “There’s no one in the world you can trust with her more than yourself.”

She chewed on her lip, contemplating his words. He was right, she knew that. She would walk across fire before she’d ever let harm come to their child, and Tessa had been on the ice for more than twenty-two years. There was nothing that would harm Ellie on the ice, and Tessa would have her in her grasp. 

“Are you sure?” She found herself asking, though she already knew the answer. She wanted this more than anything, she realized suddenly; to introduce her daughter to the magic of skating. She wanted to be the one to take her onto the ice for the first time, and wanted Scott to be there. She wanted to continue telling this story they had started twenty-two years ago. 

“I’m positive.” He smiled at her, comforting and reassuring, and Tessa was standing, allowing him to help her get the wrap situated around her, fastening the Velcro and buckles, slipping Ellie into the protective pouch on her chest. She settled securely into the fabric, molded against Tessa’s chest.

Scott reached for her hand and she took it as he led them onto the ice, Tessa moving slowly and unsurely at first, her hands clutching the sleeping child as she moved. Scott brushed his fingers over the sleeping lump before gliding away from them. Tessa watched him as she moved, slowly beginning to gain confidence at the idea of her child safe against her. She made a few slow laps around the rink before she felt movement on her chest and glanced down. 

Ellie was awake now, watching Tessa with wide blue eyes. Tessa smiled down at her. 

“Hey there, sweetie,” she cooed at her daughter, the baby’s silky hair billowing with the breeze of her momentum. “You like this?” 

Even over the sound of her skates cutting the ice, she could hear the soft coos of contentment coming from the baby. Scott was beside them suddenly, breathless with the exertion of his exercises. 

“Are you okay?” 

Tessa grinned at him, nodding. 

“Yeah, she’s awake. I think she likes it.”

“Oh yeah?” His voice rose in pitch, happiness overtaking his face as he peered at the baby in the carrier. “Are you having fun, Ellie? Do you like skating with Mommy and Daddy?”

Beyond the constraints of the carrier, Ellie’s tiny legs and arms flailed in response to her father’s question. 

They remained on the ice for longer than Tessa had planned. Finally, when Ellie’s nose and the tips of her tiny ears began to grow pink, Tessa slid to the exit of the rink, kicking off her skates and pulling the baby out of the carrier, greeting her with a wide smile and kissing her tiny pink cheeks. 

“You did it!” She grinned as Scott appeared beside them, holding her towards him so that he could kiss her as well. “She had her first skate!” 

“First of many,” Scott made a face at the baby, who smiled in response. “Skating before she’s walking. See, Tess, I told you those baby skates would come in use.”

Tessa laughed, tossing the wrap at him as she unbuckled it from her waist. 

**

Ellie was asleep. Tessa stood watching her, fingers dangling lightly over the baby as she slept on her back, mouth moving quickly as she suckled on her pacifier. Tessa’s fingers brushed the baby’s cheek before she stepped away from the crib, turning on the nightlight that bathed the baby’s room in a soft glow. 

“I love you, sweet girl. Sleep well.” She spoke softly before stepping out of her room, padding down the hall into her bedroom. Scott was on the bed, legs outstretched and hand propped beneath his head as he sat back against the headboard. 

“She asleep?” He asked, sitting up as he noticed Tessa. She nodded, slipping out of her robe and onto the bed next to him. 

“She’s down for the count,” she replied, “she barely made it through her bedtime feeding.”

“Well, she had a busy day,” Scott smiled at her, reaching out to Tessa. She slid beside him and his arm wrapped around her as she moved to rest her head on his chest. They sat that way for a moment, Tessa listening to his heart beat as he stroked her dark hair. 

“Thank you for today,” she said finally, her voice soft, hand resting on his chest. “I was hesitant, but you were right. She loved it, and so did I. I loved sharing that experience with her. It was incredible.”

Scott made a small noise in the back of his throat and his lips brushed across her temple. 

“Seeing my girls on the ice together? Yeah, that was pretty incredible.” 

Tessa ran her fingers over Scott’s chest, smiling to herself. His hand moved from behind his head and caught her hand, stroking her soft palm with the pad of his thumb. 

“I didn’t imagine my life being like this,” she spoke after a moment, her voice low. Scott paused in his movements as she spoke, listening. “You know, last year, after the Olympics, I thought for sure we had finally hit our stride. I guess it was silly, but I imagined something completely different from this.” 

“What did you imagine?” He asked, his voice strained. 

She paused for a moment, thinking before she spoke. 

“I guess I thought we’d finish the Thank You Canada Tour, and then… I don’t know. Go back to competing maybe? We were getting so many people telling us that we’d run our course, or felt too old, but I felt so alive. I don’t think I’d ever felt more confident in us.”

“Tess…” he spoke after a moment, his voice tight with emotion, “I’m sorry-”

“But I didn’t realize,” she cut him off, shifting to look up at him, “how wrong I was.”

He furrowed his eyebrows at her, watching as she turned to face him, tucking her feet beneath her. 

“When I found out I was pregnant, I thought my life was over,” she admitted softly, hating to even speak the words aloud now that their sweet daughter slept in the room just beside theirs. “I felt so hopeless. I wanted to wake up, and have it all be a bad dream. And I was so desperately in love with you, and so scared to admit it to myself. I was so lost, Scott.” 

He reached out to touch her face and she caressed his hand, closing her eyes to savor the feel of his touch on her skin. 

“And now, I can’t even believe that a year ago, I didn’t want this. I can’t believe that I would have rather spent all evening at a press conference than home with you and our baby. And I’m sorry that I wasted so much time chasing those highs, thinking that those were the ways to make my dreams come true. I’m sorry that I was so shallow.” 

“No,” he assured her, shaking his head, “Tess, you weren’t. Not at all. That world was all we knew. The shows, the media events… all of that _was_ our world.” 

“But not anymore,” she looked at him wistfully before a smile pressed across her lips. “And I’ve done a lot of thinking. Having Ellie was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. To us.”

He nodded his agreement, his fingers curling around hers. 

“It’s made me realize something, Scott.”

“What?” He asked after a moment, tilting his head slightly. 

Tessa smiled at him and then held one finger up wordlessly, climbing off the bed and moving into the chest of drawers across the room. She retrieved an item from the drawer and cupped it in her hands, bare feet moving across the hardwood floor as she walked back to the bed. 

She climbed back onto the bed, folding her legs beneath her and using both hands to conceal the item she had retrieved. When she looked back up at him, she could feel the tips of her ears burning with an emotion that she couldn’t quite label. 

“I spent so much time chasing something that I didn’t realize wasn’t important. And it’s taken me the past eighteen months to realize how insignificant everything but what we have is.” She hesitated, and then spoke again. “I wasn’t ready for a long time,” she spoke, “and I’ll admit, it still scares me, but…” Her hands unfurled, revealing the tiny black box that Scott had given to her nearly six months ago. “I’m more sure now than I’ve ever been.”

He watched her wordlessly as she opened the box, her slender fingers handling the golden diamond ring. 

“Remember how I said not now?” She smiled at him as she gingerly slid the ring onto her left hand, admiring it for a moment before tilting it for him to see. “Well...now.”

There was a silent moment between them, his eyes focused on the jewelry on her finger, before he was grabbing her and pulling her to him. His hand went to the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair as he held her, his face buried in his shoulder. She laughed against him, but felt the hot wetness of his tears against her skin and soon she was crying too, sniffling as she pulled away and took his hands into her face, kissing his cheeks. 

“I can’t wait to be your wife,” she whispered to him, both of their cheeks streaked with tears. He looked at her lovingly, his mouth fumbling to find words but unable to say anything that would make the moment more perfect. 

“Tessa Virtue-Moir,” was the only thing that he could manage to say, and Tessa smiled, tears filling her eyes. She leaned in, catching his lips in a kiss that lasted until they were both breathless. Without needing to speak, she was settling against him, her head on his chest, his strong arms encircling her. 

She closed her eyes and listened to his heart again, breathing slowly and surely against him. She thought of their twenty-two years together, growing up with Scott, slowly falling in love with him over the years. And then she thought of Ellie, the product of their love, the product of their years of games and jealousy; her fear of commitment so strong that she’d nearly given up on them altogether. 

But that was over now. She had conquered those insecurities, and though she knew that their years together would bring more challenges, she was ready for it; she had Scott and Ellie. She knew that with their support, she could overcome anything.

And for the first time in a very long time, Tessa wasn’t afraid anymore.


End file.
